Concrete Angel
by Werewolff
Summary: Freddie returns from the School at Sea cruise and finds things have changed drastically. Rated M for language, adult situations, and a character death. There will be some Cam/Creddie/Seddie in later chapeters.
1. Letters

Concrete Angels

What happens if Freddie hadn't given Missy the trip? Set after Freddie returns for the School at sea. This is from Freddie's POV unless stated. The title is taken from Martina McBrides' song 'Concrete Angels.' I bring in Olivia Benson from 'SVU' as an Aunt, but there is no crossovers.

* * *

My car is right where Aunt Olivia said she parked it. I was glad dad's sister had transferred from New York to Seattle. I threw my bags in the trunk and climbed into the driver's seat. A manila envelope is sitting on the passenger side; there's police markings on it. I pick it up to see if it's something Aunt Olivia left. The post-it note simply says 'Read at home - O'. I wonder why she left me a file. I pull into traffic and make my way home as quickly as I can. Turning the radio up for a distraction, I see two letters tucked into my sun visor. _What did I forget to mail?_ I pull into the post office and get the letters. Quickly, I glance at the addresses to see what got canceled. Surpassingly, they are addressed to me and Carly, care of me. I recognize the small, neat hand writing as Sam's; for all her aggression and attitude, she took great pride in her handwriting. _What did I miss?_ The six-month long school at sea program had been great, but I was now playing catch up with the real world. I pulled back into traffic and made a beeline for my house. Pulling into my parking space, I see Carly and Missy coming out of the Bushwell Plaza. I wave hi and call out to them.

"Ahoy, there Captain." Missy jokes. "Got your land legs back?"

"Yes, and it's Admiral." I hug Carly. "Miss the techno-geek?"

"iCarly managed without you, but it's not the same." She looks like something is missing from her.

"What?"

"Sam's gone, I'm the co-host." Missy chirps.

"Me and Sam had an argument and then she beat the hell outta Missy. I told Sam to go away and that I never wanted to see her again." Carly piped in. "Missy is everything Sam wasn't."

I grab the letter from my visor and hand it over. "This was in my car."

Carly opened it and read the short letter. Looking at me, "It's an apology from Sam."

I open my letter and look at the two words, "Concrete angels." I read.

"What does that mean?" Missy was confused.

"It's this song Sam would listen to when she was sad." I remember something, "I had Spencer make one for Sam's birthday. I need to get it and give it to her." I tell the pair bye and grab my stuff from the car. I tuck the folder under my arm and head for my apartment. I drop my bags on my bed and grab my pearphone. I hit the speed-dial for Sam and get some kid.

"Is Sam around?" I figure it's one of her skater friends.

"Never heard of him. I got this number a few months ago."

"Thanks, sorry to bug you." Sam's cell is disconnected. No biggie. I power up my laptop and see a new file on the desktop. I click on it and get a password request. I didn't protect any files before I left. On a hunch, I type in 'samlovesham'; no dice. I try 'dorkface', 'tech-nerd', and a few other names Sam called me. I'm about to give up when I see her letter sitting on my bed. I try it; a video file opens and starts.

"If you're watching this Freddie, then you're home. Probably already gave Carly her letter, too. I just wanted to tell you some things that I didn't have the guts to tell you in person. I'm sorry for all the pain, both physical and mental, I caused you. I'm so used to people leaving me that I kept waiting for you and Carly to leave too. I ended up driving both of you away." I watch as she wipes a tear away. Sam is crying! Something is wrong here. "You're the first person, besides Melanie, to see me cry. Carly made her choice. I've made mine. For what it's worth, you were a good kisser. Maybe we could of made something of it. Never know now. Good-bye Freddie." The clip ended.

I sat at my desk for a few minutes. I start to unpack and notice the file Aunt Olivia had left me. I open it and read the first page. I start to cry, sobbing as the rest of the pages fall to the floor.

Some time later, I don't know how long; I cried on the floor until I hadn't any more tears. I heard Spencer in the hallway. I got up and headed for the Shay's apartment.

* * *

"Hey there Freddie. How's it going?"

"Was going good until I got back."

"Cruises can have that effect." He knew what I was after. "I finished the angel for you."

"Thanks, what do I owe you?"

"Freebie. Go give it to Sam." I try to hold it together, I don't think he knows.

"Carly here?" I want her to come with me.

"Yeah, her and Missy are upstairs doing 'iCarly.'" He can see the pain on my face. "Wanna talk?"

"Not now. I promise, I will tell you later. Right now, I need Carly."

* * *

I walk into the studio, Gibby is behind the camera and the girls are acting like fools in front of it.

"And just back from his six month cruise, our awesome technical producer, Freddie." Carly announces, "Come on over here and say hi to the people."

"Hi." I say to the camera, barely above a whisper. "Carly can you meet me downstairs after the show?"

"Sure. What's the problem?"

"Not here, not now." I shake my head. She obviously doesn't know.

"Give us a few more minutes." She turns back to Gibby and continues as if nothing happened.

* * *

I'm waiting in the hallway between our apartments. The folder and my laptop under my arm; the angel in my hand.

"What's up?"

"You and I are going to talk to Sam." I grab her arm and keep her there.

"I've said everything I wanted to say to her. Besides, she'll just interrupt me and yell and get all violent on me."

"She won't, I promise."

Missy was listening behind Carly, "How do you know?"

"I bet you all my tech gear up in the studio, that Sam will let you say anything you want, and not get mad." They know how much that stuff means to me, and that I wouldn't risk it on a whim.

"And what do you get if you win?" Missy was getting interested.

"You quit iCarly and I get one kiss from Carly."

"Deal." Missy said without even asking Carly.

"Okay, I'll drive." The three of us head to my car and I pull out.

"Where we going?" Carly asks as we pass Sam's old apartment building. "We just passed her."

"Sam doesn't live there anymore. She's over off 15th avenue." I pull into the drive and park the car in front of Sam's place.

"Freddie, what are we doing in Lake View Cemetery?" Missy is clue less.

I point out the window, "I'm going to give Sam her birthday present. You two are going to talk to her."

"What?" Carly turns around and sees the headstone: Samantha Puckett. "That's got to be some other Samantha Puckett." Carly is nearly hyperventilating.

I hand her the folder, and open my laptop. I click on the audio player.  
"Seattle 9-1-1, what is your emergency?" The dispatcher asks.  
"I need to report a dead body in Washington Park, on the swings, near the Bushwell plaza." We hear Sam's voice, but it's not really hers; it's already dead. "Mine." Then we hear the single gunshot. Carly grabs for the door handle, trying to get out of the car. She makes it out just before her lunch. She maneuvers around the pool of vomit towards the grave.

I hand her a towel from the backseat, no idea why it was there; just something I had in my car. I get out and walk to Sam's grave. I put the angel on top of her headstone; it looks like it belongs there. Someone finally watching over her, like I hadn't.

"Sam." Carly barely squeaks out. "Why?"

"She was such a looser. Worlds better off without her." Missy held out her hand to Carly, who swatted it away.

"Get away from me." Carly tumbled backwards. "She was right about you."

"So what if she was, I'm your best friend. Always was, always will be." Missy has this smirk on her face. I'm about to draw back to sock her in the face. Carly launched herself at Missy; doing a perfect tackle. Carly is beating the hell outta Missy; I can only hope Sam is watching.

"By the way, you're off iCarly." She stands up and walks towards me.

"But, I'm the CO-host."

"Not anymore." Carly never turned around.

I watch as Missy slunk away, then turn back to Carly. She's sitting next to Sam's headstone. I look at the simple marker. Samantha 'Sam' Puckett, June 26, 1992 – May 16, 2009. Under that it reads, 'Just leave the ham'.

"Why Sam? Was it because I picked Missy over you?" Carly is sobbing. "I'm sorry."

I pull my phone out and call Spencer.

"What's up?"

"Do you have something that can glue this angel to stone?"

"Yeah, is that Carly crying?"

"It is, come to Lake View Cemetery, and I'll tell you everything."

* * *

Spencer pulls up on his Harley-Davidson a few minutes later. I meet him at the road; Carly is still begging for Sam's forgiveness. Spencer kind of figured it out on the ride over, but I fill in the holes for him. Spencer and I affix the angel to Sam's headstone; somehow, it matches perfectly and looks like it was made that way.

"Carly?" Spencer kneels down next to her. "You okay?"

"My best friend is dead, and I KILLED HER!" This brought fresh tears, "And you have the balls to ask if I'm okay?"

I know that she'll hate me for the short term, but thank me later. "You didn't kill Sam. Sam killed Sam."

Carly swung at me, "You're a prick. You ran away and left her too. This is as much your fault as it is mine!" She managed to jump up and lunge at me, but the quick movements and crying made her dizzy. I hold her, and get her back onto the ground. Carly's looking pale, I know she's exhausted and an emotional wreck.

"You can hate me at home." I carry her to the car and deposit her into the passenger seat.


	2. Going to Church

**Going to Church**

* * *

It's Sunday morning; I stayed the night at Carly's. Hell, I spent the last few days here. Aunt Olivia told mom what had happened with Sam. Carly had barely gotten out of bed that day after we visited Sam. School starts next week and Carly is holding on by her fingernails. I only looked better on the outside; I was a wreck too. I was dressed in dockers and a nice shirt; Carly was wearing a gray skirt and peach blouse. She had asked me to take her to church. This was a new thing for her; mom had raised me Catholic. As we were getting ready to leave, Spencer stumbled in the door.

"S'up?" We could smell the sweat and beer on him. He had gone out with Socko and his buddies. "I crashed at Socko's after we met up with these two hot babes we ran into at the junkyard."

Carly smoothed her skirt; "We're going to church."

"Why?" The Shay's had never been to church except for weddings and such.

"I don't know. Maybe I can find some answers there." Carly needed to make sense of what Sam did.

"Have fun you two. I'm going sleep this off." Spencer headed for his room.

* * *

We arrive at St. Joseph's church; ironically, it's just down the street from Washington Park. As we enter, I explain what the fountain in the front is for and some of the rites of the church. As the service winds down, Carly seems to be a little better, she's not crying and almost smiled. I notice her looking at the booths along the wall.

"Those are the confessionals. You go in one side and the priest is on the other and you tell them all the sins you've committed since your last confession."

"You just tell them anything?"

"Yeah, and they can't tell anyone unless what you tell them is a crime."

"Will they be there today?"

"Yeah, after the service. Why?"

As the service ends Carly looks at me, "Maybe I need to talk to a stranger." She gets up and walks into one of the booths. I watch as one of the priests enters the adjoining booth.

* * *

**Carly's POV**

I'm sitting in this little room about to tell a total stranger my biggest problem; what the hell am I doing? I hear the next door over open and close and then the little window between us slid open. Guess it's time to leave my secrets here.

"I killed my best friend." I blurt out. "I'm sorry, this is my first time and I'm a little scared and…. I'm sorry."

"Be calm, what happened with your friend?" The older voice sounded as if he had heard this sort of thing before.

"My best friend from when I was a kid came to Seattle and drove a wedge between me and my best friend, Sam. In the end I chose Missy over Sam. She…she shot herself. I killed Sam."

"No, you didn't. Everyone has free will, the ability to make our own decisions. Your friend made her choice."

"Sam was a great friend, I realize that now. I just don't know what to do. I said some really mean things to her and now, I can never make things right."

"It's never too late to make right. You need to ask for forgiveness."

"But…"

"There are no 'buts', if you are truly remorseful, then God will forgive you."

"It's not God I need to forgive me." I realize how awful that sounds, "I'm sorry, that was rude of me."

"I understand your confusion. We do not understand his plan or why he allows bad things to happen. You need faith that your friend is in a better place. Everything happens for a reason. That may not make you feel better now, but maybe you can find some peace."

"Thank you." I stand and open the door. As I walk over to Freddie, I swear I see Sam in the crowd.

* * *

**A/N: I admit this was a weak chapter, I'm juggling 3 stories and a case of writers block. I know where I want these guys to go, it's just hard to get them there. Reviews are welcome and encouraged.**


	3. Old Friends

Running into Old Friends

* * *

We stopped at a diner on the way back from church; Carly hasn't really said anything since she came out of the confessional. I figure when she's ready, she'll talk.

"Freddie?"

"Yeah." I'm stirring some sugar into my coffee. Mom would have a cow if she knew I drank coffee. Right now, I could give a rat's ass.

Carly opens her mouth, but nothing's coming out. Finally, she asks a simple, yet complex question, "Did I kill Sam?"

I think for a second, "You had about as much to do with her death as I did. We didn't make her do it, but we weren't there for her when she needed it." I realize I could have given Missy the trip and been done with her. "Sam came to me the night before I won that trip and told me what all Missy had done to her: The address mix-up, the chocolates, everything. I asked her why I should believe her? You know what she said?" Carly just looks at me. "'When have I ever come to you for help?' You know, she was right. She had never ever asked me for help, ever. I could have saved her." I finally break down. The two of us just sit there, missing our friend.

**

* * *

**

Carly's POV

Me and Freddie are sitting in this little diner, not much to look at, but the food is good. Sam woulda loved this place; you could order any type of meat with your meal. I'm forcing myself to eat something. Spencer and Freddie both have said something about me not eating. How can they expect me to eat when I killed my best friend?

"Mind if I join you?" A familiar voice asks.

I point to the open chair, "Hi Melanie." I answer, wiping my eyes.

The blond looks at me confused, "I know we haven't talked in a while, but it's me, Sam."

Shaking my head, like I didn't hear her right, "NO. Melanie, Sam's dead. I drove her to kill herself. It's my fault she's dead." I'm not sure what's going on.

"Who are you talking to?" Freddie's looking around. Maybe I'm loosing my mind.

"Don't you see Melanie, she's right here in front of me." I point to the seat next to him. He looks at me like I'm loosing it.

"Tell Fred-weird to think of his happiest moment with me?" Sam tells me; I relay the message. For seeing a ghost, I'm handling it well. Maybe I have a brain tumor.

**

* * *

**

Freddie's POV

Just to humor her, I close my eyes and think of the night that Sam came out to my fire escape after telling me that she never kissed anyone. We shared a kiss that was magical. God, I wish I could hold her one more time. As I open my eyes, I see the blond girl sitting across from Carly. "Oh My God, I see her. I see Sam."

"Of course it's me." Sam yells, the two of us are the only people that can hear her. "I'm not sure what happened. Could one of you tell me what time it is?"

"About 12:30 in the afternoon." I answer out of reflex. I'm getting ready to panic.

Carly is silent, tears forming in her eyes, "Sam?"

"Yeah, Carly." She turns towards Carly, "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I've sorry." She's crying again.

"Sorry for what?"

I insert myself into the conversation, "You really don't know, do you?"

"Know what Einstein?" Sam all but yells at me.

"It's 12:30 on August 30th."

Sam looks at me with disbelief. Shaking her head, "You're lying Benson. It's May 16th."

"Sam, I hate to tell you this, but you died on May 16th." Sam doesn't believe me. I point to the calendar "Alright, where were you this morning?"

"I don't know, the last thing that I remember is sitting on …I can't remember. I can't really remember anything until I walked in here."

I think of something that will prove to her that she's not real, "You want something to eat? My treat, anything off the menu."

"No thanks, I'm not hungry." Sam never refused free food. "Tell me what happened, please."

"Missy drove a wedge between us and we had a fight and then you beat the hell outta her. I told you to leave and never come back. That was the last time I saw you." Carly is barely keeping it together. "I'm sooooo sorry that I made you leave. I should have been a better friend."

"And I should have listened when you asked me for help." I apologize.

"No chiz. Missy was a total skunk-bag." Sam leaned over the table and rubbed her temples. I reach over to rub her back and we all watch as my hand passes through her. A searing pain in my head causes me to jerk my hand back.

"Are you okay?" The both ask.

Shaking my head, I drink my coffee to clear it. "No." I whisper. "Can we go somewhere else? I'm not feeling good."

Carly leaves some cash on the table and we walk towards the Bushwell Plaza. As we pass Washington Park, Sam pauses.

"Hey, I was here. I remember." She walks towards the swing-set, careful not to touch anyone. She stops in front of a swing and watches the kids on it. We walk up beside her.

"What do you remember?" I ask.

"I was sitting on that swing, feeling really shitty. I had watched the 'iCarly' the night before and you and Missy did the show like I was never part of it." Sam was crying. "Like I was so replaceable. I…I stole a gun from my mom's boyfriend and…and I…came here." She's waving her hands wildly, "You wanna know why Carly?"

She nods, "Why here Sam?"

"Cause some of my best memories with you were here. We used to push each other on these swings, eat lunch under that tree. This was the only place that I had left that was special to you and me." Sam's yelling through her tears. "I figured that if I died here, that would ruin this place for you."

"I didn't know…"Carly started to say. "I didn't find out that you were dead until Freddie told me." Carly wipes her eyes.

"When was that?"

"I got home last week. Aunt Olivia left the report in my car." I've felt like shit ever since I tried to touch Sam. "What did you do to me Sam?"

"Nothing. I swear!"

"Since I touched you, It's like all I can feel is pain and hurt and…I have an idea. Let's back to the apartment."

* * *

Spencer's sitting on the couch, coffee in hand, looking like hell. He turns as we walk in.

"How was church?" He notices Sam, "Hi Melanie, when you get in?"

"When you start going alcoholic on us? You and mom can be drinking buddies." Sam asked, not really meaning it.

"Spencer," Carly starts, "This is Sam's ghost."

Laughing, "Yeah, right." He stops laughing as Sam walks through the coffee table and sits on a barstool.

"So Freddie, what's your idea?" She sees Spencer just staring at her. "Spencer, blink will you. Boo!"

Spencer is just sitting on the couch, "Tell me she isn't here to wreck her unholy vengeance on us. She can have all the ham she wants."

"Relax Spencer, I'm not sure why I'm here. On the plus side, I'm not hungry anymore." Sam said. "But I may just terrorize Briggs and Howard for some fun."

"When I touched you, I felt your pain. Maybe you're stuck here because of that pain." She has no idea what I'm talking about. "Just come over here and take Carly's hand."

"Why?" They both ask.

"If I'm right, once Carly knows how much you hurt, then you can crossover."

"And if you're wrong?" Carly was nervous.

"Then your head explodes and we can spend eternity blaming each other." Sam jokes. "Just kidding. Man, I'm I the only one with a sense of humor?" Sam walks over to Carly and holds out her hands.

"Sam, could you move outta my coffee?" Spencer is almost freaking out. Sam walks out of the coffee cup. "Why are we all so calm about this?"

"Cause it's Sam." Carly says.

"You ready?" Sam sounds scared, what's she gotta worry about, she's dead already.

"If this'll help you, then yes." Carly holds out her hands and Sam takes them. Carly's face twists with pain and her breathing becomes short and quick. Sam lets go of her hands; Carly falls to the floor twitching. Her eyes are rolling back in her head.

"Oh God!" Spencer yells, "Call 911."

"I'm…okay." Carly is shivering on the floor. I reach for her; she jerks away. "Don't touch me. Get back!" She sits in the corner of the room, rocking slowly; she keeps repeating "So much pain."

Spencer finishes his coffee and makes another cup for himself and one for Carly. "Here you go." He hands it to her.

"Sam?" She asks, sipping the mug. At least she stopped the pain mantra; Carly looks like hell though.

"Still here. So not only did I fry her brain, I'm still here. Any other bright ideas, Fred-dork?"

"Hey, I'm kinda new at this whole talking to the dead thing. I'm open to suggestions."

"No more pain. Not today, please!" Carly is still sitting on the floor. "Tomorrow maybe, not today."

"Sure Carly, no more today." I pick her up and carry her up to her bed. I get her shoes off and cover her with an afghan. "Get some rest. I'll do some research and see if I can find out anything."

"I'm sorry I couldn't take away your pain Sam." Carly's barely awake, "Forgive me." She slips into slumber.

"I do forgive you." Sam says from the doorway, "You need to forgive yourself."

I close her door behind me, "How you doing?"

"I'm dead, stuck on Earth and I just fried my best friend's brain. Other than that, I'm just peachy." Sam looked at me, "Sorry, I'm still getting over this 'dead' thing. I woke up this morning and saw the two of you going into that diner. What am I going to do?"

"We'll find something. I promise that we'll get you to wherever you're supposed to be."

"What if that's hell?"

"Think positive."

"Alright, but I don't have a lot of reason to."

"You still have us."


	4. Trading Places

Trading Places

* * *

Sam and I walked down the stairs, leaving Carly to rest. Sam looked worse than before.

"What's the matter?" I ask.

"I just dumped so much pain and anger on Carly that she nearly lost her mind and she still blames herself." Sam replied. "I'm worried that she'll try something stupid."

_Like you did?_ I wanna say. "I'm gonna get online and see if I can find anything that might help. Why don't you go keep an eye on Carly, just in case she does try something."

"Sure, I'll just wrestle her to the ground. Oh wait, I don't have a body, I can't stop her." Sam gives me that 'Duh!' look.

"Just pain-touch her until I can get there."

"Brilliant idea you nub, make her feel worse! How did you become the brains of the group?"

"I'll bring my laptop up to the studio, and work in there. I'll be close enough that I can help you if she acts out."

"That's better, you're starting to use that brain of yours."

"Hey, you want me to put the TV on, I saw Syfy is running a 'Ghost Hunters' marathon."

"Very funny." Sam does actually smile.

I open up Google and start typing in search strings like ' Earthbound spirits', 'Ghosts'; anything I can think of to describe what Sam has become. After a few tries, resulting way too many pages to look at I stop. "Sam?"

"What?" She pokes her head through the door, the closed door.

"Could you come in the room? The whole head through the door thing is creeping me out." She shrugs and steps in. "I need you to tell me anything you can remember before you met us in the diner."

"Like I said at the park, I sat on the swing and shot myself." Sam touched the side of her head.

"Why did you call 911? And why were you there at the park that late?"

"I didn't want some kid to come to the park and find a dead body there. I figured I could do someone that favor." Sam paused for a moment. She looked a little confused, then taking a deep breath; her eyes get wide. "I remember something else…I…I woke up in this, um, white room. I thought I was dreaming, cause Laurence Fishburne was standing there." I interrupt her.

"The guy from 'CSI'?"

"Yeah, but he was acting like he was in 'The Matrix'. He said that he was my guild. I said something like 'I need to get home' and tried to walk out, but there was no door."

"Then what?" This is getting interesting.

"I asked if this was Heaven and he told me that it was a sort of in-between place for souls. All the bad shit I did was almost balanced out by the few good acts I had done. He said that I had to do one more thing then I could move on."

"Did he give you any instructions or anything?"

"No, just that I would know what it was when it was time." Sam paused, "Let me go check on Carly." She stuck her head through the wall. "She's sleeping. I wish I could get her to stop blaming herself…"

We both look at each other, "That's it!"

"If I can make her stop blaming herself, I can cross over."

"That's gonna be tough." I inform her. "Ever since she's found out about your death, she's done nothing but blame herself."

"Okay, I just have to work a little harder." Sam looks at the floor; "Do you know why it took her so long to find out?"

"You usually go to your aunt's for the summer, right?" She nods, "Carly must of figured that you left early after your fight."

"Makes sense. I wish she knew how much she meant to me. You and her were like my only friends."

"I wish you'd of said something to me?" I type in 'Limbo and souls', over 1.4 million hits. I need to tighten my search patterns.

"I did, you ignored me and went on you little cruise." Sam sniped back. "How was it?"

"Good, lots to do. You would of loved the buffets." I try to keep my tears in check. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you Sam."

"Do you blame Carly for what happened?" Sam looks at me.

"I've accepted that Carly and me both had a hand in your death, but you were the one that made the choice to pull the trigger."

"I wish I hadn't now."

"I know."

* * *

I'm cold, not physically, emotionally cold; I got no one to turn to. I'm walking alone at night; for some reason this isn't scary. I almost wish something would happen to me. I walk up the Bushwell plaza and scan the call buttons. I should ring the button, but it's late and no one here wants me. This late at night the doors are locked. I could easily scale the fire escape and get in, but that's too much work. Shaking my head, I turn and leave, heading for the Washington Park swing sets. I see my favorite one; I have a favorite swing, I am such a nub. I sit on the swing, and slowly rock back and forth. This is how it ends, alone on a swing. Pulling my pear phone out, a tear hits the screen and runs down the front. Even my tears are leaving me. I check the gun in my hand. It's a small gun, but should do the job; there are six bullets in the round part, no idea what it's called. I take a deep breath and settle myself. Maybe things will better in the afterlife. I dial 911 and wait for the operator.

"Seattle 9-1-1, what is your emergency?"

This is it, no turning back now. "I need to report a dead body in Washington Park, on the swings, near the Bushwell plaza. Mine." Then I pull the trigger.

* * *

Sam and I both hear Carly yelling. Sam heads through the wall while I have to use the doors. As I run into Carly's room, I hear Spencer coming up the stairs. Sam's standing between Carly's bed and the windows, but Carly's not even looking that way.

"What's wrong?" I sit on the bed, about an arms-length away. Spencer stops at the door; he's just standing there. I reach for her hand, "Carly?"

"I…I saw what happened. To you, Sam. Like I was you, I felt all your pain and loneliness and anger. I'm sorry Sam." She broke down. "Why didn't you call me?"

"Shhh, take a deep breath." I slowly rock Carly; I make a hand gesture to Spencer to get her inhaler. He walked towards the bathroom. "Carly, you're gonna have an attack if you don't breathe."

"GOOD! Maybe I'll die and get what I deserve for abandoning Sam." I know that's the pain talking. "I didn't deserve to be her friend."

Spencer cuts in, "What did I do to deserve loosing my little sister? Why does Spencer have to be the last Shay?" He looks at her, eyes getting glassy.

"Nothing, you're the best big brother anyone could ever want, I'm the screw up." Her tears started anew, "I killed Sam!"

"No, you didn't, **I killed Sam**!" We hear a new voice in this conversation. "I walked her to the park, I set her on the swings, I put the gun to her head and I pulled the trigger. I'm the one you should blame." Sam looks at us; she's breathing heavily.

"No, I pushed you away. If I'd of listened, then you would be alive. This is my fault."

I speak up, "Carly, Sam and I think we figured out what she has to do to move on."

"No more pain!" Carly pushes me away, "You promised no more pain. I can't take it!" She sits at the head of her bed, knees pulled up to her chin. "I'm sorry Sam, I can't take any more today."

"You don't have to, you just need to stop blaming yourself for my actions." Sam reaches for her, but stops. "I wanna hug you, but I know I'll just cause more pain."

"I don't deserve your friendship, I'm a killer." Carly sits there, slowly rocking.

I move towards the door and pull out my pear phone; scrolling down, I find the number I need.

"Hi Dr. Dane, It's Freddie Benson. Good, I was wondering if you had an opening, my friend needs to talk to someone. She found out last week that her best friend committed suicide. Carly Shay. She's blaming herself, bad enough that we're watching her 24/7. Tomorrow at 2, we'll be there. Thanks doctor." I return to the bed area. Sam is standing there; I can see the pain on her face. She so wants to help Carly, but can't touch her. "Carly, I called someone, a psychologist I've seen in the past." Sam interrupts me.

"You seemed so normal." Even dead, Sam can't resist mocking me.

"Shut it, Casper." I continue, "She can see you at 2 tomorrow. I'll take you down there and stay if you want. Whatcha think?"

"Whatever." Carly doesn't even look at me. I'm worried that she might not last the night. Carly slowly got out of bed and walked towards her bathroom; I move my head indicating to Sam to follow her.

"No, I'll be okay." Carly had seen me.

"Okay, but if you're not out in two minutes, Sam's checking on you." Carly nods weakly. I spend the next 97 seconds staring at my watch. We hear the flush and then the sink run; Carly comes out, her head hanging down.

I wrap her up in a hug; she tries to push me away, more out of self-pity then anything. She starts crying, "Why Sam? Why didn't you call me? I know you wanted to, why?"

"How do you know what I wanted?"

"I saw you walk up to the Bushwell and look at the buttons. I felt the emptiness in your heart. I saw the tear on your phone, and the gun in your hand. I…I put that gun to…to my head and pulled the trigger." Carly can't hold back her tears. "I hate myself for what I did to you!"

"Carly," Spencer spoke up, "Missy had you fooled, had all of us fooled. You're an optimist. That's why everyone likes you. You see the best in everything."

"And that's why I drove Sam to kill herself." Carly retorts.

I speak up, "Sam, if Carly can see your memories, maybe you can see hers. Try to think about the fight you two had that led to your leaving 'iCarly'."

* * *

**Sam's POV**

I close my eyes and think back to that fight. Missy had Carly fooled into thinking I'm the villain. My breath hitches a little as the scene forms. The three of us are in the studio. Freddie's been gone for almost four months now, Gibby can run the tech stuff fine, but it's not the same. Missy has been CO-hosting more and more lately.

"Since when do you go and make a change without me?" I yell. Carly is standing to the right and behind Missy, like that would stop me. "So, that's it? I'm gone like rotten leftovers? All the work we did means nothing?"

"What 'we'? Carly carried the show. Why do you think it's called 'iCarly'?" Missy shoots back. Before I can think about it, I see my fist connect with her nose. The wet celery snap is very satisfying. I watch myself strike her again and again; someone jumps me from behind. I throw my shoulder back to fend them off. I hear Carly hit the floor, the wind knocked out of her.

Gibby yells at me, "Carly's hurt!" That snaps me out of beat-down mode.

"Are you okay?" I slowly kneel next to Carly. "I'm sorry, I didn't..." She cuts me off.

"Get away from me! You're a psycho!" Carly shouts at me, her breathing coming in short hitches. "I need… my inhaler. Can't breath." Gibby grabs the plastic device from the hall bathroom and hands it to her. "Go away Sam. I don't want to see you again, ever!" This sounds even harsher, because she's not yelling at me.

"But, Missy…"

"Missy was right about you. You're jealous and petty. Good-bye." Carly turns from me and tends to Missy. Gibby offers me his hand, I swat it away; Sam Puckett doesn't need anyone. Right?

"Carly?" I choke out, trying to keep my tears in check.

"I have your Probation Officer on speed dial." She holds up her phone. I really screwed the pooch this time. I watch Sam leave, my view of events stays with Carly. I tend to Missy, getting her some tissues to stop her bloody nose. Both eyes will be blackened by the morning and she might loose that one tooth. I feel my wrist throb, it's nothing compared to the ache in my soul. Spencer ran into the room, I remember hearing Sam yell to him.

"What happened?" He surveys the scene.

"Sam didn't handle being replaced too well. Missy needs to see a doctor, I think." We get her nose to stop bleeding; Gibby called Missy's mom and gave her an edited version of what happened. At the hospital, Missy gave a full statement to the police. I knew that Sam's probation would be revoked and she was facing 90 days on that, plus whatever this assault would add.

"I hope she rots in jail." Missy said, snapping me out of my daze. "She ruined my face!"

"Yeah," I agree. "She'll probably spend the rest of her teen years in jail."

"I hope some big 300 pound butch finds her." I look at Missy, not understanding her. "A big prison lesbian. Sam'll learn what it's like to be on the receiving end of a beating then." This is not the Missy I remember.

"That's mean. I know she can be…"

"Carly, It's time for you to choose. Who you gonna be friends with? Me or Sam?"

I want to tell her both, but I know she'll react badly to that; I don't want anymore drama today. "You." I answer. Maybe in a few days I can make up with Sam.

"That's my Carly. Let's go get some smoothies to celebrate the new cast of 'iCarly.'"


	5. Subs & Sibs

Subs & Sibs

* * *

Freddie's POV

Sam opened here eyes; she looks like she ready to cry. "Carly, I'm sorry I hurt your wrist."

"It's okay Sam. I'm sorry I killed you." Carly rummaged through her dresser pulling out some flannel pajamas. "I'm such a wimp. If I had stood up to Missy, you would be…"

"In jail for the rest of my life." Sam cut her off. "That would have been my third strike. I would have an automatic life without parole. Just as good as dead."

"Whatta you mean?" Carly looked confused.

"I have a two felonies against me already. That assault would have been my third. Life without parole before I was eighteen, youngest Puckett in prison." Carly looks like she wants to cry, but holds it together.

I speak up; "Maybe we should all get some dinner." Me and Spencer head towards the door, Carly stays. "Subs okay with everyone?"

"Extra ham on mine."

"You're dead Sam, you don't eat."

"I just wanna look at it; remember the good times."

Carly finally broke down, "You're supposed to remember the good times with your best friends, not a fucking sandwich!"

Sam looks at me, grinning. I know that look; she's going push Carly, I hope she knows when to back off. "Well, If I **HAD** a best friend, then I could remember the good times. I got dumped for the flavor of the month. If anyone sees Carly Shay, text me." She looks at Carly, eyes burning. "I don't know who the you are."

I can see the cracks forming in her, then the breakthrough happens. "It wasn't my fault! Missy played me for a fool. You beat the hell outta her. You did just what she wanted you to do. IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"

I see Sam start to fade a little bit; she's crossing over. Sam continues; her voice softens a little. "What wasn't your fault?"

"You're…You kill…OH MY GOD, you're disappearing!" Carly shouted. Sam solidified. "What was that?"

"I was trying to get you to forgive yourself." Sam sat on the floor. "Carly, I'm scared."

"Of what? You're Sam Puckett, you scare other people."

"Of being trapped here. You're the only person who can help me. If you can't move past this, then I'm screwed."

I walk over to Carly and hold her; just hard enough to reassure her that someone is here for her. "You want your usual?"

"Yeah, with extra jalapenos." She wipes her eyes. "What am I gonna do?"

_When did Carly like jalapenos_? "You're getting there, but you're not ready to accept what Sam did. Did I ever tell you about my dad?"

"No, What happened?" Carly looks at me.

"I'll tell you over dinner."

"I'm gonna change and I'll be down." She looks at Sam. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all, you go right ahead."

"I'm not undressing in front of you."

"Why not? We've changed in front of each other a lot of times. Besides, I'm not leaving you alone right now."

"Like I left you alone?" Carly shoots back. "If I had been your friend, you would still be alive. It's my fault your dead."

"No, it's my fault. I put the gun to my head and pulled the trigger."

"But I still wasn't there when you needed me."

"Carly, you, me, Missy and a whole bunch of other people had a hand in Sam's death; but Sam was the one who made the decision to die. I'm gonna wait outside your door here." I turn to leave her room. I notice the few posters she has hanging. She's one of Cuddle fish, Jack Black, and a couple of that vampire guy; I figured she would have more

"So you can race in and save me, like we should saved Sam?"

"No, I just don't know if Spencer could handle you dying. You're his world. I'm an only child; you have no idea how lucky you are to have Spencer." I think that mentioning Spencer snapped her back to reality. "He's already starting to drink, like every other weekend. What will he do if you kill yourself?" I step out and a minute later she joins me on the stairs.

Spencer left to get the sandwiches. I get us a couple of peppie colas. "I was about five and wanted chocolate ice cream. Dad had missed my tee ball game and to make up for it," I have to wipe my eyes, even after all these years it still hurts. "He ran down to the corner store for a half gallon. He was crossing the parking lot here at the Bushwell when a guy came racing around the corner and hit him." Carly touches my hand and grips it softly. "I was waiting in the doorway with mom, this was before Lewbert. I saw him get flipped over the car; I heard his bones break." I take a deep breath; I wanna barf thinking about it. "I ran out to him, I still see his eyes; open and lifeless. If I hadn't of wanted ice cream, I would still have my dad."

"You didn't kill him. That drunk did." Carly said, still holding my hand. "It wasn't your fault."

"But I blamed myself for a long time. You know I still can't eat chocolate ice cream. I tried one time and as soon as it hit my lips, I was puking. I gave up tee ball too, wasn't half-bad either. You know how long it took me to accept that it wasn't my fault?"

"A long time." Sam interjected.

"Yeah, almost a year. Probably cause I was so young, and watched it. I couldn't sleep for a week; everytime I closed my eyes, I relived that accident." I had to will myself not to shake. "One night, mom brought me a cup of tea and sat with me. She told me that it wasn't my fault and that she loved me. I found out later that she had slipped a sleeping pill into the tea. I woke up the next afternoon. I slept for like eighteen hours. That's why mom is how she is. She's scared that something will happen to me."

"How did you get over that?" Sam looks like she could cry. "I mean…"

"I know, you don't ever really 'get over' something like that, but I talked to my friends and Dr. Dane. They all told me the same thing: It wasn't my fault." I squeeze Carly's hand, my way of saying thank you. "I guess you hear something long enough, you start to believe it."

We sit around the table; nobody really has anything to say. Spencer comes back with the Subway. Me and Carly slowly let go of each other.

"Spencer with the sub action." He drops the bags on the table and tosses his jacket on the couch. "What? I get the wrong stuff?"

None of us has reached for our subs. "Sorry, I sorta bummed everyone out with the story of my dad." I hand Carly her veggie delight, extra jalapenos. Spencer grabs his meatball sandwich and I pass Sam her ham. I had the seafood and crab; I force myself to eat. Carly has barely unwrapped hers. Sam is trying to grab the Black Forest ham.

"Damn it. I wish I had a body."

"So do I." Carly and I both say.

We finish our meal in silence and put Sam's sub in the fridge. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure Sam."

"Go check on Frothy. He's probably dead, but if you could."

"Okay." I glance at the clock, only 6. I glance at Carly, "Wanna go?"

"Sure, Spencer?"

"Go, I'll be alright." He's sitting in front of the TV. Carly frowns as she sees him pop open a bottle of beer. I shake my head, telling her to leave that fight for later.

"I'll change and be right down." Carly walks up the stairs.

Sam makes a grunting noise, "Perv."

"What?"

"You were staring at her ass."

I don't even try to lie. "Don't tell her, please."

"Okay, but you will."

* * *

We take my car over to Sam's old building. We knock and after not hearing anything, we go in; Carly still has a key to the apartment. We see Mrs. Puckett passed out on the couch, an empty bottle of cheap vodka on the floor. Sam walks past us, pauses in front of her mom.

"She loved Melanie more than me. Hell, she loved booze more than me." Sam says to us, we can hear Sam whimpering, her tears finally break free. "YOU WERE NEVER THERE FOR ME!" Her fists pass through her mom's body. "WAS I JUST A MISTAKE! WHY COULDN'T YOU LOVE ME, JUST ONCE! LIKE YOU LOVED MELANIE!!!"

Carly moves to stop Sam, but I grab her arm. "She needs to do this." I whisper. Sam wears herself out and falls to the floor.

"What's all the noise?" A voice calls from the back room. Melanie walks out and sees us. She's got her robe on, and her hair's wrapped in a towel. "Hi Freddie," She smiles at me, then glares at Carly. "Killer."

Sam stands up and waves at Melanie. "What are…Sam?"

"In the not so flesh. When did you get to Seattle?"

Melanie looks like she's gonna pass out. "I came up for the summer. Then I learned about you and I…" She wipes a tear from her eye. "Why didn't you call me or something? I know you wanted to."

"How?" I ask.

"We're twins, we share a bond. I was feeling 'off', really sad and depressed in the middle of May, then on the 16th, the feelings just stopped. I felt really cold then I was fine. Now I know why." She looks at Carly, then lunges. "YOU KILLED MY SISTER!!" She rains blows down on Carly, who doesn't even try to protect herself. I push the two apart; Melanie looks like Sam; breathing hard, fists balled up, ready to strike again. Sam walks up and touches Melanie's shoulder; she relaxes.

"What did you do to her?" I ask as I help Melanie to the chair. She has a dream-like smile on her face.

"I thought about the good times we had as kids when I touched her." I start to think about this and Carly earlier in the day.

"Think of the good memories you had with me and take my hand." I hold it out. I see Sam slowly reach for me, scared of what she might do to me. I close the distance between us. I see memories of us doing 'iCarly', at school, the iWeb awards, almost anything we did together flash past my eyes. Then one image stops in front of me: Me and Sam kissing on my fire escape. I take in a deep breath, I think this scared Sam, she broke our contact. I stumble backwards a step, exhaling. I swallow, trying to find my voice. "How long…how long did she touch me?"

Carly looks at me, "Maybe a second. Not much at all." I am feeling GREAT! I have a smile that goes ear to ear.

"Sam, if you could bottle that…Wow." I have to sit down. "I think I figured something out. Whatever Sam is thinking, happy or sad, that's what the person feels." I look at Carly; she's wiping the blood from her lip. Melanie did a job on her; split lip, bloody nose, black eye. "Sam, happy touch Carly."

Carly draws back, "No, I don't deserve to be happy." Sam was faster and touched Carly's arm. Like me and Melanie, Carly got a glazed over look. She's not as happy as we were, but she's not as sad looking either. "Thank you Sam. I feel better." She has this singsong voice. "I don't wanna kill myself anymore."

"WHAT!" The three of us shout. We just sit in the living room for a few more minutes. Sam looks a little worse for wear, but Carly looks almost normal. I find my voice again.

"How's everyone?"

"I'm tired." Sam answers. "Can ghosts get tired?"

"That's nice." Melanie is still in her 'happy buzz'. "I love you Sam."

"Carly?" I look at her, "You okay?"

"I feel like I just woke up from a nightmare." She shakes her head. "Did I really say I wanted to kill myself?"

"It was the Sam's pain talking." I answer. "You didn't have any plans, did you?"

"Shut up Benson! You'll make her do it anyway." Sam snaps at me.

"You know that studies show that talking about suicides don't increase the chance of it happening." Melanie chirps in.

"Really? I thought it would."

"Yeah, we covered that in Psyche 101."

"Yeah Freddie, I did. There are plenty of sharp knives in the apartment, which is on the ninth floor. I also have a well stocked medicine cabinet." Carly shudders with this revelation. She wipes a tear from her eye, "I changed my mind, I wanna live."

I wrap her up in a tight hug, not knowing what else to do.

"Nothing will happen to you.

"I'm sorry Carly." Melanie apologizes. "Can I get you anything?"

"My best friend." Carly answers, I stick with the practical.

"How about some coffee."

"Coffee I can do." Melanie gets up from the chair; Sam is lying on the floor, almost asleep. "You okay Sam?"

"Just really tired. I guess sharing my emotions is harder than it seems."

"You rest now, I'll be okay." Carly reassures Sam. I notice how the two seem to be mending their fractured friendship.


	6. Coffee and Confessions

Melanie handed Carly and me a cup of coffee and pointed to the sugar bowl; Sam was lying under the table in the living room. She was asleep, or whatever ghost did, and didn't want anyone to walk through her. Carly was feeling better, but I wasn't going to let her spend too much time alone yet.

"Why is she still here? And why can we see her?" Melanie whispered. "I'm glad you can see her too, or I'd be freaking out."

"We don't know why we can see her, but we're pretty sure that she's here to get Carly to forgive herself." I answer. "This is good coffee."

"Thanks, I don't understand, Carly has to forgive Sam?"

"No, Carly has to forgive Carly." I correct her. "She blames herself for the fight that lead Sam to kill herself. At first I thought that maybe it was just Sam had so much pain that she couldn't cross over to the afterlife."

Carly shudders at the memories. "So I tried to take her pain away, but it almost drove me insane. You know when she made us happy today, try that but with her pain. That's why I was talking about killing myself. I relived her suicide; I can still feel the cold metal of the gun and the pain in her heart. I'm sorry Melanie, I killed Sam."

"No you didn't, Sam killed Sam."

I look around the apartment, there are clean spots and some of Melanie's things are here. "Are you staying much longer?"

"Yeah, I left that boarding school after I found out about Sam. I feel like I abandoned her." Melanie hangs her head. "Maybe if I had stayed here instead of leaving Sam would be alive?"

"And if a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass when he landed." Sam stood up in the middle of the table, stretching. "I feel better. What?"

"Um, you're in the table." I say, as if that's an everyday occurrence.

"Sorry. How's everybody doing?"

"Better, I don't feel suicidal anymore." Carly answered, "But I still miss you."

"When you stop missing me, then I'll really be dead." Sam sounds philosophical. "Where did that come from?"

"Your heart." Melanie looks like she wants to hug Sam. "I never told you this enough, but I love you Samantha."

"I know you do, I can feel it."

"You gonna go to Ridgeway too?" I change the subject.

"Yeah, I figure enough people have seen me around so they won't think I'm Sam. I've got almost enough credits to graduate now."

"I wish I could graduate." Sam laments, "I wish I could grew old with some one, have kids, all that stuff."

"You wanna come over, Spencer's making spaghetti tacos." Carly reads the message on her phone. Even though we had subs before we came here, we're always up for his famous spaghetti tacos. "I'm also worried about him; he's drinking now."

"A lot?" Melanie looked concerned.

"It's picked up since dad was killed in that accident at the naval base." Carly answered. "I wish I knew how to tell him how scared I am that he'll do something stupid."

Sam spoke up; "I have an idea. Plus, I love the smell of spaghetti tacos."

* * *

We walk into the Shay's apartment, Spencer's singing in the kitchen.

"_Making food for people to eat_

_People gonna eat my food, eat my food_

_Gonna feed some hungry people."_

"Did you make enough for me?" Melanie asks.

"Hi," Spencer looks at the twins, "Melanie."

"How can you tell us apart?" Sam inquired.

"Melanie is wearing a skirt. You only wore one when Carly tried to make you over." I look at them; Spencer's right. "You want a peppie cola? I'd offer you something else, but you're all underage."

"Spencer, I need to talk to you about your drinking." Carly interrupted, she's on the verge of tears. "I think you have a problem."

"Yeah, my problem is this one's empty." He tossed it into the recycling bin and grabbed another from the fridge. Carly took it from him before he could open it.

"I'm serious!" She's yelling. "You think you're the only one who misses dad? He was the only parent I ever knew! You had mom for a while. Why do you get to wallow in self pity?"

"Because nothing changes for me! I'm still here and not in law school. I had to put all my dreams on hold after mom died to raise you! Why do you think I had to quit school? Dad told me he wouldn't pay for it until **you** were in college." Carly was shocked; none of us had ever seen this side of Spencer. "Dad loved you more!"

"Why do you think he loved me more?" Spencer pulled a picture from his wallet. "She looks like me, who is this?"

"Mom, other than having darker hair and dad's eyes, you could pass for her twin. Why do you think he tried so hard to be home for your birthdays, and I was lucky to get a card?"

"So, you think that makes it okay to be a drunk?" Sam cut in. "You wanna end up like my mom? She doesn't even know that I'm dead! Or care, she's still got her perfect daughter." Sam looks at Melanie, "I'm sorry, I just hate how she…" Melanie stopped her.

"I know, and she does know you're gone. A Detective Olivia Benson showed up and told us." She looks at me, "Are you two related?"

"She's my dad's sister."

"Hey, we will deal with dead people later! Focus on Spencer." Carly interjected. "I wish I knew how to tell you how your drinking is scaring me and how much I love you."

"Maybe there is." Sam walked between them and touched them both. Spencer gasps and slumps on the counter. Sam lets go of them and sits down on the barstool. "That was rough."

"What did you do?" Spencer shakes his head. He put the beer back in the fridge and grabs his coffee cup. "I suddenly hate myself and wanna watch 'Girlie Cow'."

"I tried to channel Carly's love and concern for you. You had so much anger towards your dad and Carly that I almost couldn't. You have to let it go."

Spencer swallowed hard, "Why? So I can be the perfect brother to perfect Carly!"

"No, so you don't end up some drunk asshole!" I yell at him.

"You still wanna go to law school?" Carly looks up, tears in her eyes.

"Yes, I do."

"Then go sign up. Dad can't stop you now." She hugs him, "I'm sorry I fucked up your life."

Spencer broke down, sobbing on her shoulder. "You didn't, Dad did, and I blamed you. I'm the one who should be sorry." We just stand there; Spencer always had this happy-go-lucky attitude. I guess it was just a mask.

Nobody says anything for awhile, then Melanie speaks up. "Those spaghetti tacos are getting cold."

"Let's eat." Spencer put the platter in the microwave and grabs another peppie cola. "Carly?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. I should of stood up to dad all those years ago, instead of blaming you."

"We'll get through this." She hugs him; "I love you Spencer."

"Love you too Carly."

Dinner was quiet, everything that needed to be said had. After dinner, we go our seperate ways, today has been too long.

* * *

I walk with Carly to the psychologist office. Holding the door open she smiles at me; God, that smile just makes my day.

"Thank you, Freddie."

"No problem."

"I mean for everything; the appointment, standing by me, everything." She hugs me. I return the embrace. She's wearing cool water; I love that smell.

"Just remember, Dr. Dane can't see Sam and won't understand what you mean, so try not to mention that we can see Sam's ghost. I'll be in the waiting room if you need me."

**Carly's POV**

I check in with the receptionist and find a seat next to Freddie. I get this weird vibe when I look at him. It must be the stress of Sam's suicide and everything. I pick up one of the back issues of 'People' sitting on the table. Freddie's doing something on his pearphone. He really sprouted up on that cruise. He's gotta be over six feet tall, and he's got some muscles. I idly flip through the stories about which celebrity is screwing who and how much weight they lost. I'm looking for the crossword puzzle. This is my little secret; I'm a closet crossword junkie. I pull out a pen from my purse and start on it. In the few minutes I have until my appointment, I finish it.

"Carly?" A soft voice snaps me outta my mental victory dance.

I follow the woman through the door and into an office. There's a bookcase on one wall, a desk and a few chairs, and a heavy punching bag hanging in one corner. I take one of the chairs and the other woman sits on the other side of the desk.

"I'm Dr. Dane. Would you like to tell me what brings you here?"

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out; I feel like a fish out of the water. She can see my nervousness.

"It's okay if you're scared, would you like some water?" I nod my head and mumble a quick 'Thank you.'

She pulls a bottle of water from the mini-fridge behind her desk and hands it to me. "How about you start from the beginning."

I take a sip and a deep breath; I start with Missy coming to Seattle and all the things she did to Sam that I didn't believe and the fight and Freddie going on the School at Sea cruise. Dr. Dane is jotting notes down and I stop to let her catch up.

"Go on." She encourages me.

"When Freddie got back, Sam had mailed him a letter for me." I pull it out of my purse. "It's an apology, for everything she ever did wrong." I can feel the tears wanting out. "Me and Missy just went about our day without a care in the world. We were in the middle of an 'iCarly' webcast and Freddie walked into the studio. I could tell he was upset, but didn't say anything about it. I just worked him into the show, and then he said we needed to talk. Missy and I met him after the show and he took us to Sam's grave. Freddie has a relative on the police force who gave him the report, he played the 9-1-1 call Sam made to tell them where to find her body." The tears finally break free; "I heard the shot that killed her. I feel like I pulled the trigger. If I hadn't of pushed her away, Sam would still be here."

She looks at me for a moment. "Did you put the gun in her hand?"

"No."

Dr. Dane's voice turned a little harsher, "Did you make her put it to her head?" I shake my head; "Did you actually pull the trigger?"

"No."

"Did you kill Samantha Puckett?" She sounds like a drill sergeant. I'm crying hard now, this isn't what I had expected when I walked in. I don't know what to say, I pushed her away; I pushed my best friend away and it killed her. "DID YOU KILL SAM PUCKETT?" She shouts at me

"NO, Sam killed herself!" I start sobbing; I try to stand to leave, but my legs won't hold me. I get halfway up and then fall back into the chair. My breath catches in my throat, I know I have to calm down or I'll have an asthma attack. Dr. Dane moves around the desk and sits next to me, holding a blue and white coffee mug.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you, but we had to break through your defenses." I take the mug with shaking hands. I can't look at her right now; I'm scared of what she'll see. We sit there for a few minutes; she picks up on my mood.

"What's wrong?"

"I know in my mind that I didn't actually kill Sam, but I just keep thinking that if I had just done something different, she'd still be alive." I can feel the floodgates opening. "And I found out last night that my brother hated me because dad loved me more and made him put off law school. I just feel like I'm fucking everybody's life up and that things would have been better if I had never been born and…"

"Stop right there, let's look at that." She interrupts my tirade. "You ever watch 'It's a Wonderful Life'?"

"That old black and white movie, with the salesman?"

"That's the one." He pulls a blank piece of paper out and writes down "Without Carly" at the top. "How would the world be different without you in it?"

"Sam would be alive." I blurt out.

"Maybe, but how would she be?"

"Huh?"

"Sam wouldn't be the Sam you know, because you would of never existed to be her friend. And Freddie, what would his life be like?"

"I don't know, probably better, cause Sam wouldn't have met me and I wouldn't have introduced them. Sam tormented Freddie to no end." I take a deep breath; I can feel my chest tighten up. "If something happens, I have an inhaler in my purse."

"You feel an attack coming on?"

"A little. If you give me a minute, I should be okay." I take a few slow breaths, I think about how the world would be different without me. I start to cry softly.

"What's the matter?" Dr. Dane's voice is very kind, almost motherly. I don't answer for a moment.

"I just realized that everyone would be so different, but probably not happy." I think for another minute, "Sam would most likely be in juvie, Freddie would be the schools A/V nerd and Spencer a hard charging lawyer. Why am I so sad?"

"Because you miss your friend, and you think you caused her death." She touches my hand; She's got a smile on her face. "You care about the people in your life, that's why you hurt."

"So, I should stop caring and I'll stop hurting?"

"Don't ever stop caring, just stop blaming yourself. People have to make their own mistakes. People aren't perfect, we make mistakes, but you can't be responsible for anyone other than Carly Shay."

As I think about this, the timer signals we have one minute left.

"Would you like to come back next week?"

"I don't know, maybe."

"I'll pencil you in and if you change your mind call. Freddie has my number."

"Thank you Dr. Dane."

"I want you to try something, write Sam a letter telling her that you're sorry."

* * *

**Freddie's POV**

I've been messing around on my splashbook page, updating stuff, uploading pictures from my cruise and mindless chats. I hear the door open and look up as Carly walks out. She's looking a little paler and her eyes are red, but she has a smile on her face.

"How you doing?"

She walks up and hugs me. She doesn't say anything for a minute. Finally, "Can we get something to eat? I didn't eat lunch."

"Sure, do you need to schedule another appointment?"

"Yeah." She walks up to the desk.

We head out of the office and towards my car. A few minutes later we pull into the parking lot at the mall. I need to pick up some new cloths for school and the food court has almost every kind of food imaginable. I go to the men's department and pick out a couple of shirts, a new pair of dockers, and a new belt. Carly stood by the perfume counter and tried on a new scent.

"Whatta you think?" She held her wrist up to my nose. I take a sniff and frown.

"Too fruity, you should stick with the floral scents." I look over the selections and pick one up. "Hold up your other wrist."

I spray a dab on and she smells it, smiling. "How did you do that?"

"I don't know, I just picked one out that I thought would smell good on you."

"You're the best Freddie." She hugs me. Her stomach rumbles and breaks the mood.

"Let's hit the food court."

We settle into a booth and start on the pizza slices we bought. Carly grabs the shaker of hot peppers and coats her two slices of veggie pizza; she never liked hot peppers before. I can see that Carly is doing better, but I'm worried about her in school tomorrow. She must of seen the look on my face.

"What's wrong?"

"Thinking about tomorrow, you ready?"

She takes a deep breath, "Yes, I still miss Sam, but I'm accepting that **she **made the decision to kill herself."

"Are you ready to let her go?" I ask. I'm glad no one outside of us would understand that question.

Carly puts her pizza slice down, she's got a little bit of sauce on the corner of her mouth. "Almost, I'm almost ready." She whispers. I reach over and wipe her mouth with my thumb. She leans into my hand, "Thank you Freddie. If you hadn't of stuck with me this last week, I don't know what I would have done."

"You're welcome." I reluctantly move my hand from her face.

* * *

Sorry for the long wait, been working on a lot of other stuff. Leading into some Creddie, may have some other pairs, and another chapter soon, I hope. Read and review please.


	7. Back to school

**You know what's whos by now.**

* * *

Carly's POV

Freddie and Melanie arrive at my apartment, we had this first day of school tradition. We all wear 'iCarly' Tee shirts; mine's red, Freddie's is blue and Sam's was yellow. I hand Melanie the yellow one, "This was Sam's, would you wear it today?"

She smiles as she pulls the shirt over her regular shirt, "Sure, you okay?"

"Yeah, I just wish Sam was wearing that shirt." I know that I'll be answering questions all day. Freddie walks over and hugs me. I wrap my arms around Freddie, "Just tell me it'll be okay." He does.

Spencer bounces in, "Ready to get learned?" He's starting to get back to the Spencer we know and love. He was too late to enroll in the fall semester, but will start Washington State in the winter.

"Just let me get my bag." I grab it and we head for the door. Freddie's driving us to school.

"Good luck and have fun." Spencer calls to us.

"It's school, how much fun can we have?" Sam answers. _When did she get here?_ The drive was easy enough; we talked about anything that we could think of. As we pulled into the student parking lot, I got quiet.

"What's the matter?" Melanie asks.

"There's some of Sam's skater friends. I hope they don't kill me."

"They won't. Nobody blames you, but you." Sam said. Freddie and I walk into the school, Melanie sees one of her friends from her old school. She says she'll see us at lunch. We head for our lockers and find Principal Franklin waiting there.

"How are you two doing?" He asks.

"Good, I had a great time on the cruise, learned a lot about marine life and shuffle board." Freddie answers; we both know that's not what he means.

I look Franklin in the eyes, "I'm doing okay. I just found out last week. Sam usually goes to her aunt's for the summer and I didn't know until Freddie told me. It's been a big shock." I keep my tears in check. "On the plus side, Melanie transferred to Ridgeway, she's Sam's twin sister, at least she doesn't blame me for Sam's death."

"Who's blaming you?"

"I am, I pushed her away when she needed me."

"Do you need to see the counselor?"

"I'm seeing a Psychologist already, I just need some time. But thank you for the offer."

"Let me know if there's anything you need."

"Thank you Principal Franklin. I will." He leaves us; I'm about to say something to Freddie when I hear another voice, and this one I really don't want to hear.

"How you doing _KILLER_?" Missy yells, a few of the other snooty girls gather around us.

"Hi Missy, I see your nose is straight." I think back to when Sam broke it and grin. "How you doing?"

"Hi Missy." Freddie chimes in.

"Shut it Benson." She snapped. I get the feeling this is going to get real fighty, real fast. "Whatcha gonna do now that you don't have Puckett backing you up?"

"Who said she doesn't?" We hear Melanie as she walks in; she sounds just like Sam. There are jaws on the ground. Missy is ready to freak out.

"You're dead! I saw your grave."

"No, you saw my twin sister's grave." Melanie leans in towards Missy's ear, but doesn't whisper, "I may the good sister; but I'm still a Puckett."

"Let me pain her!" I hear Sam next to me. She's been going off on her own more and more today. I know what I need to do, but I'm not quite ready.

"NO!" I whisper. "You have to let us handle this." The first bell rings and the crowd slowly heads off, realizing there's not going to be any fight. I grab my books and head for class. I hope I can make it to lunch without further problems.

* * *

**Freddie's POV**

I head for my first class, English with Briggs. I pull out my books and get ready to the tirade when I get smacked in the back of the head by a book bag.

"Sorry dude." The jock says, not really meaning it. I don't know who he is, but I did see him with Missy this morning. This could be a long year. Fortunately, the rest of the class goes without incident. My remaining morning classes are uneventful. As I head for the cafeteria, I spot Carly and Melanie at 'our' table. I walk over and sit down, across from the ladies. Things are almost normal, _I wish Sam was here._

"How's your classes been?" I pull out my lunch and start on the sandwich. Mom finally let me start packing my own lunches; I know she loves me, but I'm almost 18.

Carly looks up, I see her one eye is puffy. "One of Missy's cronies thought it would be funny to hit me with their satchel."

"You too?" Me and Melanie ask at the same time.

"I got it in the back of the head."

"Me too." Melanie looks over at the table Missy and her crew has commandeered. Missy sees us looking her way and says something to the group. They all turn towards us and give us the evil eye. I just shake my head and turn back to my lunch. Suddenly, Shane, one of the basketball players, grabs my sandwich. He's only with Missy's crew because he's trying to get in Tara's pants; Tara replaced Carly as Missy's BFF. I swear, if he ever had an original thought, it would die of loneliness.

"Can I have that back."

"Whatcha gonna do?" He mocks, turning his head to get his clique's approval. I make my move. I ram my elbow into his crotch, doubling him over. I recover my sandwich and throw in a "Thank you" to keep the image of politeness.

I see the whole group rise and head our way; this is going to get very ugly. "If they start something, just run, I'll hold them off as long as I can."

"We're not leaving you to these wolves." Carly says, she's looking to finish things with Missy.

"You got a lotta nerve Benson, but no brains. We got the numbers. The three of you can't beat us." Missy is almost screaming.

I start to say something to try to defuse the situation, but get cut off. "Enough of this talking bullshit." Shane charges me, ramming his shoulder into my stomach. I get the wind knocked outta me. As I hit the ground, I manage to flip Shane over and land an elbow to his face, but two more of Shane's buddy's jump me, I curl up in a ball as one kicks me in the stomach, trying to protect myself as they both start kicking me.

I hear an amplified voice, "Break it up!" Someone must of gotten Principal Franklin. Orlando, one of Shane's buddy's, gets one last quick kick to my head before the school staff could get to the middle of the group. My vision swims and I almost black out; he must have known where to kick me.

"Alright, clear everyone else out of here. Get these students over there." Franklin is barking out orders to his staff. The football coach, a former NFL player himself, herds Missy and her friends to one side of the Cafeteria. Then Franklin sees me on the floor.

"Are you okay, Freddie?"

Looking up at him, his words are distorted and I answer the most logical question I can think of. "Three fingers." I hope he's holding three fingers up.

"What?" Carly and Melanie look at me like I'm crazy.

"Someone get the nurse down here." He looks at the two ladies. "What happened?"

"Shane tried to take Freddie's lunch, then bull rushed him." Melanie answers. I'm getting my bearings and try to sit up. I manage to get to my hands and knees, but my arm gives out and I fall flat on my face. I can hear Missy's crew laughing; there must be 7 or 8 of them. Carly tries to help me sit up but I'm too messed up to sit and almost pass out again. He must of kicked me harder then I thought. I lay on the floor; my head is going to explode. Carly and Melanie give their statements to Principal Franklin; who then gets Missy's side. Big surprise, she says I stated the fight. The para…oh man, not parachutes, um, paramedics! That's what those guys are, they show up and check me over. The one is pretty sure I have a concussion. Well, Duh; I can't even remember…I'll think of it later. They get me on the gurney, Franklin asks if I would like him to call my mom.

"Where we going?" I sound loopy.

The taller one answers, "U Dub Medical Center. It's only a few blocks away." He looks at me, "You want someone to go with you?"

I look to my right, "Carrie, no Car…Carly." I look at her face; she has a tear on her cheek. "I'm sorry. My brain's…broken." Thinking is too hard right now: I just wanna sleep. I close my eyes as they roll me outta there, Hell of a first day.

* * *

**Carly's POV**

Freddie looks so sad, he knows my name, but with the beating he just endured. I wipe the tear from my cheek. He drifts off to sleep, knowing that me and Melanie are safe. I want to go over there and beat Missy up for this, but I know that she has more people than me, so for now, I have to be patient and on guard. I know Melanie will be okay while I'm at the hospital with Freddie. Principal Franklin said he would keep Melanie in his office until Spencer could pick her up. Freddie groans in pain; I wish I could do more to help.

"Run Carly run." He mumbles; he must be having a nightmare. I take his hand, and wipe the sweat from his forehead.

"I'm right here Freddie." I whisper, "You saved us." He passed out again. "Is this normal?"

"Until the swelling or whatever else is going on in his brain stops, yes." The one medic says. I don't feel any better. I follow them into the hospital and watch as the staff strip Freddie and hook up a bunch of machines to him. The one doctor pulls Freddie's eyes open and shine a light into them. Freddie moans and says something about 5 more minutes.

"Your boyfriend should be fine. We're gonna keep him overnight for observations and release him tomorrow afternoon. I'm gonna have an MRI done, just to make sure there's no bleeding into his brain. Do you have any questions?"

I stand there for a moment, "Is he gonna have brain damage or anything? He's really smart and…" I start to have an asthma attack. I pull my inhaler outta my purse. Good thing I started to carry it. The doctor helps me to the chair. I look at the doctor; he's in his forty's, but his eyes are soft and caring.

"Just breath normal." He exaggerates some breaths for me to follow.

"I'm sorry. I thought I had this under control, haven't had an attack since May."

He sits with me for a minute, "Can I get you anything else?"

"No, Thank you." I glance at Freddie; he looks so peaceful. "Is he gonna be okay?"

"I'll know more after the MRI, but I don't think there's any permanent damage."

* * *

**Freddie's POV**

I know I'm in a hospital, they have that alcohol smell. My head is killing me, so is about every other part of me. I do a self-inventory, nothing feels broken. I decide to risk moving; I try to sit up, but I have no strength.

Carly helps me up, "Welcome back." She puts an another pillow behind me. My ribs ache and I'm seeing double. Seeing two Carlys is scary, but nice in a way.

"How long was I out?" I motion for the cup of water on the table. Carly hands it to me, and holds it while I sip. The ice water is the best tasting thing I've had all day.

"About six hours, Your mom was here then had to leave. Something about going to work."

"She's a great nurse, but can't stand me being in here. She'll probably have aunt Olivia pick me up."

The doctor walks in and pulls up a chair. "How you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck."

"Well, the MRI is clean and there are no broken bones or anything else, so we're gonna keep you overnight for observations. You'll be home by this time tomorrow. Any questions?"

"Can I get some Advil or something?" I feel my stomach rumble. "Maybe something to eat too"

"We're going to start you on some broth and then to some more solid foods, just because of the concussion." He writes the orders down, "Any problems, beside the headache? Blurry or double vision? Nausea?"

"A little double vision, but not too bad. And some aches and pains."

"I'm not surprised, you got beaten pretty good. I'm gonna have another MRI done tomorrow morning, and if the double vision clears up, you'll go home in the afternoon."

"Sounds good." He leaves, but not before telling Carly that she'll have to leave in a few minutes. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Get my car from the school." She gets my keys outta my pants. "Be careful, and call me when you get home."

"I will, you get some rest okay."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

**Carly's POV**

I got off the bus and walk around to the side of the school. Freddie's car is parked near one of the lights, but the sun's still up this time of year. I put the keys in the lock, as I'm opening the door something slams me in to the car. I try to stay up, but someone punches me in the kidney. I fall backwards and hit my head on the parking lot. I can see someone standing there, but I pass out before I can make out their face.

* * *

**A/N: ****This is turning a little darker than I had originally planned. Please read and review.**


	8. Found and Lost

**A/N: This chapter contains a**** non-consensual sexual situation and same sex relations. If you find either of these offensive, you've been warned. Any comments are welcome.**

* * *

Found and Lost

**Principal Franklin's POV **

It's about 7 PM, not bad for the first day; most of the extra work was from that fight. As I walk out to the faculty parking lot I notice a lone car in the student section. The dome light's on, but no one's in it. Better check it out. As I walk over I get the feeling that something is very wrong. As I come around to the driver's side I see Carly Shay's battered form. Her shirt is ripped open and her jeans are pulled off. I pull out my pearphone and dial 9-1-1 as I check for a pulse. "Seattle 9-1-1, What is your emergency?"

"This is Ted Franklin, I'm in the student parking lot on the West Side of Ridgeway High School, I found a student beaten and possibly raped in the parking lot. She's breathing but needs medical attention."

"We'll send medical and police."

"Thank you." The dispatcher hung up.

I stood up and watched for the ambulance, scanning for anyone who might come back to finish the job. I know not to touch anything, this was a crime scene. I dial the Shay's number.

"Wudup?"

"Spencer, this is Ted Franklin, I don't know how to tell you this, I found Carly in the parking lot, she's been beaten pretty badly."

"I'll be right down." I hear Spencer dropped the phone, then cry out.

I see the ambulance pull in and waved them over, the police were right behind them.

I start to give my statement to the one officer while another took pictures of Carly's location. The EMT's quickly tended to Carly, and prepared to transport her to the University of Washington Medical Center. I notice a pair of plain clothes detectives arrive.

"What happened?" The woman asked, showing her badge.

"I found her laying next to the car, looks like she was beaten and maybe raped."

"Run the plates." The partner told one of the uniformed officers.

"Car's registered to Marisa Benson."

"How you know that?"

"Cause she's my sister-in-law and the victim is Carly Shay. She's my nephew's best friend." She looked around, spotting what she wanted. "I know I can't work this, family and all that, but call down to the local Homeland security office and talk to Glen Harzle. Have him pull the tape from that camera." She pointed to it. "You call Spencer?"

"Yeah, hell of a first day."

"You touch anything, move anything?"

"Just Carly's neck, checked for a pulse. I was in the Air Force, served in a special unit, so I know what not to do at a crime scene."

"What unit?" The partner asked.

"Can't say, we didn't exist."

Olivia waited with me until Spencer arrived; Melanie was driving. The EMT's had already left for the hospital, so she escorted them down.

* * *

**Carly's POV**

"Where am I?" I ask anyone. I'm looking around at a hospital, but how did I get here? I remember getting jumped, and then I'm here.

"Carly?!" I hear Sam yell. She's almost crying. Without thinking, I run to her and grab her.

"What the Hell is going on?" She looks at me, scared.

"Carly, let go of me."

"What?" I realize I'm holding her arms. "Am I dead?" I'm getting scared. I hear someone yelling down the hall, it's Spencer. He'll know what to do.

"Carly Shay?" He asks the nurse.

"This way." I follow them. She leads us to the trauma unit. I look like I've been through the meat grinder.

After the nurse leaves, I talk to Spencer. "Can you hear me?" He doesn't respond. "Spencer, HELLO."

"Carly, you're not dead, so he can't hear you." Sam informs me. "Spencer."

"Hi Sam." He doesn't turn around. I can feel his hand on my arm.

"Carly's here."

"I know, she's right here." Spencer's crying.

"I mean she's right next to me."

"She's dead?" He whispers.

"No, just in a coma or something. You can't hear her cause she's still alive."

"I'm sorry Sam. You're stuck here and I couldn't let you go. Now, I'm here and you'll never get outta here." I break down. She hugs me; it's just like I remember it. "I miss you so much."

"Carly, I'm gonna touch you, see If I can find out what happened." She lets me go, then touches my body. "Your mind shut down during the assault. You can wake up, but you'll have to relive the attack."

"Carly?" We all turn to see Freddie. He's in a wheelchair, but otherwise alert.

Olivia walks over and tells him what they think happened. "It was Missy. She's the only one who would want to hurt her. That's why they beat me up, to separate us. You have to keep Melanie safe until this is over."

"She'll stay with me and your mom, I can't work on this case cause of you being family. But we have the best detectives working on this."

He rolled up to my body, "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. This is my fault, I shouldn't have asked you to get my car." He starts sobbing.

I walk over and touch his shoulder, it passes right through. I get the fuzzy image of Missy, but something wasn't right about it. He turns around and rolls out of the room. Sam touches me on the arm, "I'm gonna go talk to him, stay here."

"Where am I gonna go?"

"Well, I'm the only one who can see you so…"

"Okay. Tell him it wasn't his fault."

* * *

**Freddie's POV**

I resist the urge to look at my robe pocket, and manage to get back to my room without running into anyone. I get outta that stupid wheelchair, and pull my jeans on. My head throbs, but I gotta get going.

"What are you doing?" I hear Sam ask.

I pull the snub nose revolver from my robe and tuck it behind my back. "I'm gonna stop Missy."

"Carly said that it wasn't your fault." Sam pleads with me.

I look at her, "Without Carly, I got nothing left." I see her move towards me, and brace myself for her pain touch. She falls backwards; I'm fine.

"What the Hell?" Sam looked stunned that I was able to stop her.

I pull my jacket on and arrange some pillows to make it look like I'm still here, I know it won't last long, but I hope long enough. "I'm sorry Sam, Missy has to be stopped." I head out the door. "Tell Carly, I love her."

She pleads with me, "Come down and tell her yourself."

I manage to get to the front door without being noticed or stopped. My head is throbbing, but I have to get to Missy's.

* * *

**Sam's POV**

I run back to Carly's room, "Carly, he stopped my pain-touch. You have to wake up and tell these guys what he's doing."

"I can't. I'm not as strong as you, I can't handle it."

I step over to her, grabbing her by the shoulders. "You're right, you're not as strong as me; you're stronger. You and I had the same experience; I shot myself, you didn't. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. I'll be right here with you." I felt the tear on my cheek. I try to wipe it off before Carly can see it.

"What's wrong?" Damn, she saw it.

"There's something I have to tell you. Remember when I said that Laurence Fishburne was my guild and I had to do something to move on?" She nods, "Well, he gave me a clue. There was something that I didn't have the guts to tell you while I was alive; Carly I love you."

"I love you too Sam; You're like the sister…."I cut her off.

"No, I mean I LOVE you. Carly, I'm gay. You think you were some random tuna fish sandwich on the playground? Even as a kid, I saw something special in you. I never said anything, because I was scared that you would leave me. I couldn't handle that."

"So when you saw me and Missy together, you thought I was rejecting you?" Carly finished my thought. I nod, tears forming in my eyes.

"I had to tell you that, and I'm not leaving until you're safe." She wraps me in a hug. I break down on her shoulder. Carly wiped the tears from my eyes; I can't look her in the face. I'm scared she'll hate me.

"It's okay Sam." She whispers. "I love you too. I never wanted to hurt you, I just didn't know how to tell you."

"You're gay too?" Was this real?

She shrugged, "I think maybe BI-. I like guys too." We lean in for a kiss. God, I've dreamed of this moment for years. Her lips taste like piña colada, she made it herself with two lip-glosses. This is mind blowing; I don't want it to end.

Finally, she breaks the kiss. "That was…" I just nod in agreement. "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm ready to go." She holds out her hand. We walk up to her body, her battered and bruised body. I am so going to pain Missy; she will beg for mercy. "Sam?" She jolts me outta my daydream.

"Sorry, cupcake." I kiss her one more time; I'll never get to do that again. "Remember, this can't hurt you. And tell them that Freddie has a gun and is going for Missy."

* * *

**Carly's POV**

I look at Sam, she seems different, and more…I don't know. I look at my body, I take a deep breath, then touch my own hand. I sorta slide into my body; I remember the guy slamming into me, the punches to my kidneys. Looking up from the parking lot, this is when I shut down before. I force myself to stay alert. I can feel shoes stomping on me and kicking me. I see Shane rip my shirt and maul my breasts; he's laughing at me struggling. Missy steps on my arm, pinning it to the ground.

"You thought that you could dump me like I was Sam, wrong. I was your best friend! You beat me up, so I think I'll return the favor." She grinds down, breaking my wrist. My cries seem to egg them on. Missy kicks me in the ribs.

I see Tara over by the building, "HELP ME!" She turns around and looks away; she's on their side. I know I'm alone in this Hell. I manage to get my good arm free and punch Shane in the nuts, He's stunned, but enraged. He staggers towards my feet, what's he doing? Linda and her sister are taking my shoes; she had said something about liking them. Shane kicks me in the groin, then pulls at my pant legs. He's gonna rape me, I know it. My phone falls outta my pocket and I make a grab for it. Missy rips it from my hand, breaking one of my fingers. Shane's hand is inside my panties; he's laughing at my whimpering pleas.

"Remember we spared you. We know where you live and if you tell anyone, we will get you." He laughs.

Missy looks at me; she almost looks like she cares. "Sorry, but you had to learn who your friends are." She kicked me in the face and my world went black.

* * *

**Olivia's POV**

The heart monitor starts to pick up, oh shit; she's going into cardiac arrest. She jerks awake, coughing. Spencer is hugging her, not realizing she can't breath.

"Freddie!" She gasps. "Gun, Missy."

"What?" We ask.

"Freddie took gun, Missy, shoot." Then passed out from the pain.

Melanie looks at me; "Did that make any sense?"

I check my purse; "He took my backup gun. He's going after Missy." I run into the hallway and towards his room. I pull his blankets back, the old pillow trick. I head towards the nurse's station, "Freddie Benson has left his room, have security check the cafeteria. Have them call me on my cell!" I hand her one of my cards. She looks at me. "NOW!" She picks up the phone and makes the call down. I head for the elevator. Melanie is right behind me.

"Stay with Carly." I tell her.

"You need someone who knows the city." She's right. We run outta the hospital, "That way." She points down the street. We get into my unmarked unit. I grab the radio.

"Attention all units, This is a priority locate, Subject is Benson, Fredward, male, 17, has head trauma. Most likely headed for Missy Ramm's apartment. Do not approach, visual only until I arrive."

"Is he gonna be in trouble?"

"From me or the police?"

"Either."

"Yes."

The radio crackles, "Subject Ramm is in custody. Units at her residence are alerted."

"10-4."

"There!" Melanie points out the window. Freddie's sitting on a bench. He looks like hell. I am so beating his ass for this.

"All units, stand down, subject Benson located." I ignore the replies. I hit the lights and pull up onto the sidewalk. Freddie's head hangs down and he's sweating profusely.

"Freddie?" I call out. He can barely lift his head. I hug him, his covers the pat down I give him. I get my gun and slip it into my pocket. "Come on, we need to get you back to the hospital."

"No." He tries to push me away; "I gotta…gotta…stop Missy." He staggers a few steps. Melanie gets in front of him. "Carly woke up and wants to see you.

He takes a small step, "Just saying…that." Melanie puts her hand on him.

"I'm sorry Freddie." She punched him in the stomach, just hard enough to double him over. The two of us get him into the back of my car and we head back to the hospital.

"Do you know how much trouble you could have gotten into?!" I yell at him.

He manages to sit up. Melanie is in the back with him. "Without Carly, I got nothing to live for."

"Well, Carly's awake. She's the one who told us that you were gone." Melanie informs him.

"And the other detectives picked up Missy and her gang about a half hour ago." I add

"They'll just say," He swoons a little, "That they were never there and get off."

"We got a video of the attack, you can see their faces and everything. Spencer could walk into court and get a conviction."

We get Freddie back to his room and the doctor checks him over. "You could have aggravated that concussion or passed out into the street. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't." Freddie is lying in bed; "Can I see Carly?"

"In the morning. Both of you need to rest." The doctor gives him a shot. "That should keep you in bed."

"Aunt Olivia?" He whispers.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry." He passes out.


	9. Crimes and Punishments

**Crimes and Punishments**

* * *

Tara's POV

I'm sitting in a little room at the police station; my parents are here. I am so screwed. Dad's a lawyer, so he should be able to get me outta this. Mom's in tears, I've never had so much as a detention at school. This room's just like you see on TV, dull paint and that huge two-way mirror. I need to calm down; I'm rambling inside my own head. The DA walks in and pulls out a legal pad and a small laptop.

"How are you doing this evening?" He seems pleasant enough. "Can I get you anything?"

"Some coffee, please." Dad answers. "There has to be some misunderstanding here. Tara's a good girl." Good girls wouldn't dream of some of the stuff me and Shane have done. What they don't know can't hurt me.

"Well, I think you're right, but this video tells another story." He plays a video clip, it's high quality and in color. He pauses it on one frame. "You can see the victim, Carly Shay, The attackers, and here is Tara." He points us out.

Mom wails some more, "How could you? We raised you better!"

"Ma'am, I think she just got in with the wrong crowd. But the law doesn't see it like that. In Washington, if you're involved in anyway with a crime you get charged like everyone else. You're facing attempted murder, aggravated sexual assault, gross sexual penetration, petty theft and a few other minor charges. Even with a lenient judge, you're facing 20 years before you're eligible for parole. 20 years."

"I assume you have a deal, or we wouldn't be here."

"She tells us everything that went down; who planned it, who did what, everything. She does 6 months in a juvenile center, 3 years probation and if she stays outta trouble, I'll recommend that her record be sealed. I'll even work out a thing with the school so she can do her regular work. You have a scholarship to Stanford, right?" I nod. He pushed the tablet across the table. "Deal?"

I just wanna ask, "What if I say no?"

"I show the jury this and you get at least 20 years, maybe life. Last I heard, Carly's in a coma. If she dies, it's First degree murder, mandatory life without parole. You're only 17, but I can and **will** charge you as an adult." He stands up and walks towards the door. "I'm gonna go get that coffee, you have until I get back to decide."

"You WILL take that deal." My father hisses at me. "I expected better from you."

"Like you two care. You're never home, never there to talk to when I need someone." I break down. "I only went with them cause they're my friends. They actually care about me!"

"And where are they now?" Dad asks, looking around the room. "They're either trying for a deal of their own or running. You screwed up really bad, this is the best you're gonna get so take it."

I take the pad and start writing.

"I didn't know how you wanted your coffee so I brought some packets." He sets the cups on the table. I look up, and he slides a red can of Peppie cola to me. "I see you took the deal."

"It'll be just like you said? Six months and I still get my school work so I can graduate?"

"As stated, you just have to tell me everything and testify at trial. Do not leave anything out; I don't care if you stopped for a happy meal afterwards put it in there. Everything someone said, did, everything."

I spend the next three hours writing; the whole time I wonder how Carly's doing and how I got into this mess.

* * *

**Freddie's POV**

The sunlight tells me it's morning. I open my eyes; yesterday seems like a bad dream. I take a deep breath and try to stretch, but something has my left arm. I pull the blanket back and see a set of handcuffs locking me in. I push the call button on the remote and wait.

"Can I help you?" The nurse asks, her ID says her name is Haley.

I nod, "Yeah, can you find the person who cuffed me to this bed?" She left for a minute then returned with the doctor and my aunt.

"How you feeling?" She asks, unlocking me.

I shrug, "Fine, no headaches, no vision problems. Just some sore ribs." The doctor does some bedside tests, just to be sure. After he leaves I look at Aunt Olivia, "What's up with the cuffs?"

"You don't remember stealing my gun and going after Missy?"

I swallow hard, "That was real? I thought that was a nightmare. I gotta go see Carly" I whip the blankets back and head for the door.

"Fredward!" She shouts, "Could you put some pants on or something?" I can't tell if she's gonna laugh or cry. I grab the robe off the chair and wrap up.

I step into the hallway, and realize something. "Which room is she in?"

"Follow me." We head up the hall, turn left and go down about five doors; there are two serious looking police outside the door. She flashes her badge and we're allowed to enter.

"What happened?" I almost didn't recognize Carly. Her face is a mess, bruises and cuts all over. I can see a cast on her one arm and a finger is splinted.

"Missy and her gang jumped me when I went to get your car." Carly elevates the head of her bed. When she says this, my legs threaten to give out; I can feel the tears on my cheeks.

"I'm sorry. This is my fault, if I hadn't asked you to get my car, you'd be at home watching 'Girlie Cow.'" Spencer came out of the bathroom and looks at me. I hang my head, expecting to be yelled at. It's my fault she's here; I brace for the worst.

He walks over and hugs me, "How you doing?"

I look up, confused. He's supposed to rip my head off for putting her in that situation. I finally find my voice, "You're not mad at me?" I sound like a little kid.

"You didn't beat her up, you couldn't have known that they were waiting for her. The police caught everyone that was involved. I'm beyond mad at them, but not you." He and I take some chairs and slide up on either side of Carly. "So, you hungry?"

"Starving, I haven't had anything since breakfast yesterday." The one staff brings two trays. I inhale my meal, while Carly eats slowly. I turn to my aunt, "What happened last night? It's really fuzzy; I remember…" I try to recall anything. "I can't remember much past seeing Carly in here, then Sam punched me."

"That was me." Melanie corrects me. "Sorry about that, but you wouldn't get off the "Kill Missy" train. I didn't hurt you did I?"

"After the beating at school, you could of knocked me out with a pillow." A nurse walks in and checks on Carly. I think about mom. "Where's mom at, aunt Liv?"

"She stopped by in the afternoon then went to work. She knew you were okay, so she tried to take her mind off this."

"I figured that she'd of moved him to the ICU and had him on life-support and all that." Carly joked. Mom did tend to over react.

"I thought I might find you here." The doctor said as he spotted me. "I want to do one more MRI just to confirm everything, but you should be released today."

"That's good news, Freddie." Carly tries to smile.

"What's wrong?"

A tear slides down her face. "Can I talk to Freddie alone for a minute?" The others leave, the doctor telling me he's going to prepare the MRI machine for me. Spencer closes the door as they leave. "I wish you hadn't have come here. You have to see me like this." I hand her a tissue. She tries to control her emotions, but they betray her. "I'm dirty and damaged. He touched me and even when I was screaming for him to stop, he just laughed."

I reach out for her hand, but she pulls back. She's not ready for anyone to touch her. I finally think of something to say, "Carly?" She looks up, tears streaking her face. "It's not your fault that he did this. You are the victim here. You need to heal; I'll be here for you; whenever you need me." She cracks a smile, that same smile I saw at the psychologist's office. Still melts my heart.

She wipes her eyes and takes some deep breaths. "When I was brought in last night, I saw Sam. I was able to touch her." Carly stops, like she doesn't know what to say next. "She said that she needed to tell me something. Freddie, she loved me."

"Of course she did, you two were best friends."

"I said the same thing. She meant that she was in love with me." She looks really scared, like I'll leave her. "We, sorta kissed. I, I don't understand it, but I loved her too."

I sit down; this is really big news. "So, I've been chasing a lesbian?"

"I'm BI-. But I'm still Carly, still the girl across the hall. Still the girl you love."

"Was the kiss any good?" I wanna compare notes.

Carly gets this dreamy look, "Yeah, maybe it was because we wouldn't ever get to do it again. It was the best kiss of my life."

"She was a great kisser." I think back to that night on my fire escape. Carly looks confused. "That night that you and Sam were gonna have your meatball war and she said that she never kissed anyone," Carly nods, remembering that whole messed up week. "She came over to my apartment to apologize, and we had our first kiss."

"How was it?"

I remember every detail, "Meaty, hint of marinara sauce. Spectacular. I miss her."

"Well, be glad I can't give you a wedgie for telling her." We both jump at the sound of Sam's voice. "I spent the night at the police station." Carly looks upset. "I can't get arrested, I'm dead remember. I wanted to pain Missy so much; you have no idea. I was ready to unload on her like…you have no idea" She has this frustrated look on her face. She's pacing like a caged tiger that just smelled blood. "On the other hand, Shane had a conjugal visit."

"I thought you said that Tara was arrested too?" Carly was confused.

"Oh, sorry. It was with another prisoner." Both me and Carly look disgusted.

"Apparently, I stole a gun and was going to Missy's house." I interject, still not remembering any of that.

"Who do you think stopped you." Sam points to Carly. "She relived the attack to wake up and tell them about your hair-brained scheme. Any who, I spent the night standing over that nub Missy; she didn't sleep one minute. The DA told her that her and her gang were face 20 years minimum, more if you…"

"If I died?" Carly finished the thought. Sam nodded. It looks like the idea of Carly dying scared Sam more than Carly.

"Tara flipped on them and is getting a deal, reduced charges for her testimony. You should have seen Missy freak out about that." Sam smiles, then stops as Carly starts to cry. "I'm sorry cupcake."

"It's not your fault. I'm just thinking back to the Missy I used to know, the good one, not this monster. I'm sorry that she drove me away from you. Come here."

Carly held out her hand; Sam took it, then shuddered. "WOW! I never knew you felt that way."

"It took you dying to realize it. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you either."

Sam headed for the door, "Well, I'm here on Earth until you can forgive yourself. I'm gonna go spy on Missy and her crew some more, maybe move some stuff, freak them out." We both see the Blonde headed demon coming out to play. She walks through the wall, leaving us alone. I want to hold her hand, but each of them is bandaged up. Carly can see this and holds up her less injured hand; the one with the single broken finger.

"I'm sorry this happened to you, if I could, I'd of taken it for you." We sit there for a silent moment, nothing more needs to be said. It was ended with a knock on the door.

"Freddie, they're ready for the MRI." Spencer sticks his head. "Plus, the police want to talk to Carly."

"I'll be back after the test." I get up to leave; she pulls me to her.

"Thank you Freddie Benson." She kisses me on the cheek. Not what I really want, but more than I had planned on.

They wheel me down to the MRI machine and prepare to put me in this giant magnet. I lay down and the tech puts the cage around my head; the tech can see my heart rate jump on the monitor.

"You claustrophobic?" I nod. "You want a little something to relax?"

"Please." I'm getting freaked out. I've always hated confined spaces. That's why I was never good at hide-and-seek; I could never go into the small places. I feel the needle slide into my arm and a cool sensation run along my vein. I close my eyes and try to relax; slow breaths, just like Dr. Dane told me years ago. I feel the table move then stop.

"Freddie?" I can hear the tech. He sounds far away.

"Yeah?"

"We're gonna start the MRI. Just relax and keep still. This should only take 15 minutes or so."

I swallow, "Okay." Whatever they gave me was some good shit. I'm calm, but not out of it. I close my eyes and think of Carly. Before I know it, the test is over and the table is sliding out of the tube.

"How you doing Freddie?" I open my eyes and see Shane standing there. He's got his hands around my neck.

I scream and try to get the cage-thing off my head so I can fight back. I'm yelling for help and trying to get off the table. Several more staff run in and pin me before I can get up. "FREDDIE!" I hear my mom yell. I look for her; my breathing's short and rapid, heart racing.

"Where is he?" I'm almost shouting. "Where's Shane?"

"Who?" She doesn't know him. "Was he the one that attacked you?"

"Yeah, he was right here." I'm pointing to where the tech is standing. I try to catch my breath; mom comes over and hugs me. I hang my head, ashamed of my outburst, "I was seeing things, sorry."

"It's okay Freddie. I know you hate small spaces and the stuff they gave you made you loopy." She just holds me until I calm down.

"I'm sorry." I tell the group. The tech says that he's seen this thing before. They wheel me back to my room; I can walk just fine, but they say that it's policy. It's just mom and me, "I wanna go home. As soon as they say I can go, I can't stay here."

"Okay, but for the time being, you're going to be staying with your aunt. Just as a precaution."

"I don't care if I have to live under the bridge. Just get me outta here." I'm starting to understand why Sam hated hospitals so much. I get dressed in my street clothes and pack up the few things I have, mostly yesterday's clothes. Was it really just yesterday all this happened? Amazing what can happen in just 24 hours. I leave a note on my bag saying I'm at Carly's room. I get down there and the one cop stops me.

"The detectives are still interviewing her. You'll have to wait."

"How long you think it'll be?"

"A while, this is a big case."

"Can you tell Carly that I was here?"

"Sure." I head back to my room, turn on the TV, and flip through the channels. 'House' is on; I like this show. It's the one with the bike racer. I try not to think about what's happened, but sitting in this hospital room isn't helping. There's a knock at my door, it's Melanie.

"Hey Freddie, how you doing?" She sits it the chair; I'm on the bed, feet up shoes off.

I mute the show, "I freaked out when they were getting me outta the MRI machine. I swear I saw Shane. Carly's being interviewed by the police now. I figure I'm next."

"It's okay, they have a tape of the attack. Your aunt told me that you really don't remember last night?"

I shake my head, "I just remember seeing Carly in her bed, getting a monster headache, then you punching me. How messed up was I?"

"You got five blocks from here before you almost passed out. Missy was in cuffs before you even saw Carly. You were sweating and rambling about getting Missy. Not a pretty picture."

"Just want this to be over and we can get back to our lives…" She cuts me off.

"That's what I said after I learned Sam died. But there is no 'Getting back to our lives', just going on with them. Everything's changed now. This is gonna be with you guys forever, so you need to deal with it now."

I nod, she's right. I push the call button on the remote. The same nurse, Haley, comes in. "How you doing?" She asks.

"I need to talk to someone." She knows what I mean. I few minutes later a middle aged man shows up and introduces himself as a Dr. Michaels. He asks if Melanie would leave; I said she could stay, as I didn't remember some of the things that happened. He agrees. We talk for a while, and afterwards he said he would send his notes to Dr. Dane for continuation. I'm sitting in my room, Melanie's still here, but I feel alone. I miss Sam ragging on me, I miss Carly's smile and fruitless attempts to stop our fights. Melanie must have picked up on this.

"You miss her, don't you?"

"Yeah, and if I hadn't of been here she would…" Melanie stopped me there.

"Would have what? If you had been with her, she might of seen you beaten to death. Maybe they would have raped her, just to send you a message. A million things could have happened so stop trying to second-guess yourself. Things happened, it's over and you have to move on." She's blunt, definitely related to Sam.

I smile, "Thanks Melanie. Could you run down to the Burger King across the street and get us some real food?" I pull out my wallet and get the $20 I keep in there.

"You, me, and Carly?"

"Yeah." She heads out. I see Aunt Olivia go with her. Just because Missy and her gang are in jail doesn't mean we're safe yet. The TV's still on; I turn the volume up. CSI is on.

"I love this episode." I jump a little as Sam sits down. "The little sister is such a rat." I don't really watch this show, so Sam explains it. "The older sister wanted a cat from the old lady who has like a zillion of them. Well, older sister steals one and kinda kills the old cat lady. The little sister tattles on her."

I chuckle, "Who uses 'tattle' anymore?"

"Shut it nub. You may have stopped me last night, but I got my A-game today." She laughs too. It's almost like old times again.


	10. Remembering Sam

**Remembering Sam**

**Freddie's POV**

I ended up getting released around 2PM, and I was to stay home and rest for the remainder of the week. I was in Carly's room when the doctor told me; he then told her that she would most likely be released the following day. She seemed happy about being released, but looked scared that I wouldn't be there. I reassured her that nothing would happen, Missy and her gang were in jail and there was at least one police officer outside at all times. I told her that I would be back later and would pick her up tomorrow. She seemed to relax a little; those guys really messed her up.

It's just me and Carly; Melanie left to get our schoolwork and head home. 'Girlie Cow' was on, but we weren't really watching it.

"Freddie?"

"Yeah." She swiped one of my onion rings. I smile because she's eating again.

She has a tear on her cheek; I reach to wipe it away. "Thank you Freddie." She smiles at me. "Why are you helping me so much? I mean being friends with me got you beat up."

"Because, I wouldn't have it any other way. If I have to get beat up everyday, so be it."

"When you go home, put a message up on 'iCarly', there's gonna be a special webcast Friday night at 8."

"But they'll see your casts and everything." I didn't want the world to see her like this.

Carly looks at me, her eyes pleading more than her words. "Please, just post it and be ready to broadcast on Friday."

I don't understand, but I agree.

* * *

The District Attorney showed up the next day; I was helping Carly with her bag.

"I have good news, there won't be any trials."

Carly looked surprised. "You're letting them go!"

"No, they all took deals. Tara is doing six months, the Carr sisters are getting…" Carly waved her hand to stop him.

"I really don't care. I just wanna put this behind me and move on." She looked older, like these past few days had sucked the life from her. "I'm sorry, it's just," She ran her hands through her hair; there was a patch missing above her one ear. The doctors had to shave it to stitch up the cut. "I don't know."

I hug her, trying to make everything better. I know I can't fix her, but I can let her know that she's not alone. I find my voice, "In six months or a year or whenever they get out; they're done. For Carly, this will never be done; she has a life sentence. Prison isn't just a building." He looks at Carly and understands what I said.

He leaves without saying anything else.

She looks at me, "Thank you. Why am I such a mess?"

"You got beaten up by your 'best friend'" I do the air quotes, "Less than a week after you found out that your real best friend killed herself. For everything you've had to deal with, I'd say you're handling it pretty well."

She's silent for a moment; "Can you show me how to make a PowerPoint slide show?"

"You wanna make something like, maybe a memorial montage?" I inquire; I've been secretly working on one. She nods, "You ready to let her go?"

"Friday is for the 'iCarly viewers. Monday is for me." Carly is starting to look stronger, despite her injuries. I open my laptop and show her what I started.

* * *

Friday night arrives and I'm setting up for the webcast. Carly has skipped her make-up and is pacing.

"You sure you wanna do this?"

She nods, "Count it down."

"In 5-4-3-2…" I point to her.

"Hi there, I'm Carly and this is 'iCarly'. This is the last webcast for a while. The show will be on indefinite hiatus; I need to heal both physically from the beating Missy gave me." She holds up her broken wrist. "And emotionally from finding out my best friend in the whole world, Sam Puckett, is gone." She takes a deep breath; if she calls it off it'll be now. "Sam died on May 16th of a self-inflicted gun shot to the head."

I want to drop this stupid camera and comfort her, but I know she needs to do this.

"I want to say something deep and meaningful, but I think this is better. Roll the clip Freddie."

I start the PowerPoint show. There were a few pictures of Carly and Sam as kids, some of the three of us, some of just Sam. I had set the whole thing to Sam's song, _**Concrete Angel**_. As it wound down, I had put some text in the frames; One was her and Melanie-_Sister_, the three of us at the iWeb awards-_Best Friend_, a screen capture of Jonah on the wedgie bounce, _Blonde-headed Demon_. We still laugh about that. The final frame is a picture of Sam, she's smiling and I don't even remember taking it, but it was perfect. _You will be missed._

Carly looked at the camera again. "Freddie and I put some links on 'iCarly', so if you're thinking about suicide, talk to someone first. Remember that your friends have to pick up the pieces. Thank you." She walks outta frame; I kill the feed.

I finish the tech stuff; the e-mail box is getting slammed and there are posts on the message board asking for more information about Sam. After posting a link to Sam's obituary, I look for Carly; she's in her room. I knock on the doorframe.

"Hi Freddie." She waves me in. "Thanks for everything. I…I miss her so much." I walk over and hug her.

"Hey, I saw 'iCarly' tonight. That was a great montage." We turn around to see Sam sitting on the bed. "Carly, I'm sorry that I killed myself. I don't handle rejection very well."

"As seen by the three hour wedgie bounce." I joke, the girls laugh.

"But seriously, I want you to forgive yourself, Carly."

"I will, Monday. I have some work to do." I turn to leave, but spot something under the corner of her pillow.

"What the Hell is this?" I pick up the gun. One thing my aunt taught me was how to handle a gun. I drop the clip out, empty. Turning the gun sideways, I pull the slide back and eject the round. "What are you doing with a gun and only one bullet?"

Sam looks horrified, "You better not have been thinking about shooting yourself!"

Spencer came upstairs; the shouting brought him. "What's going on? Hi Sam, whatcha think of the montage?" He saw the gun, "What is that doing up here?"

"You know about this gun?"

"Yeah, it's mine. Socko's cousin Gunthar gave it to me a few years ago."

"Carly had it under her pillow, and it only had one round in it." I nearly yell.

Spencer looks at her, "What were you planning on doing?"

Carly looks like she's going to cry; "I took that from your room after we got back from the cemetery. I forgot it was there. Please take it away."

"Can you give that thing to your aunt?" Spencer asks me. "I don't want it anymore."

"Sure." I take the slide off and put the pieces on Carly's desk. "You know that I'll always be here for you. No matter what, you'll always have Freddie."

"I know. It's just so hard without Sam. She knows me better than anyone else." I wrap my arms around her; she returns the hug, this is new.

"Carly, I know you miss me, but in time, it will get easier."

"I don't want it to get easier, I want my friend!"

Sam looks at the floor, "I'm sorry I took your friend from you."

"It's…not okay, but I understand why you did what you did." Carly breaks our hug and wipes her eyes. "Monday, you're going home Sam."

"Are you gonna be alright?" I ask, wondering what else she has hidden in her room.

She must of seen me looking around, "Yes, and don't worry. I don't have any more guns or knives in here. Like I said before, I want to live."

* * *

I didn't spend much time at Carly's this weekend, mostly because mom made me stay home and finish my schoolwork. The times I did manage to make it over, I found her writing in her journal. It's nice not having to worry about Missy and Shane. I asked Spencer how Carly was doing.

"She's getting better. Last night though, she woke up from a nightmare. I don't think she knows I heard her. I faked a case of sleep walking and stumbled in on her."

"And?"

"She said it was about dad. I think she was telling the truth." Spencer looks at the flag folded up in the display case on the table. "She misses him more than I do." He starts to break down. I reach over and put a hand on his shoulder. "I know I should miss him, but I barely knew him. He made sure that Carly got her share of his love, but I got left out."

I just sit there letting Spencer vent. After a few minutes Spencer looks at me, "How you doing?"

"Okay, ribs are still a little sore. Otherwise, I'm fine."

"You know what fine means, don't you?"

Shaking my head, "No."

"Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional."

"Sounds like every other high school student." We laugh at that. Carly walks downstairs.

"What's so funny?" She grabs a peppie cola and joins us at the table.

"Spencer's definition of Fine." I tell her.

"Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional." She repeats.

"Yeah, that one." We continue laughing.

"You ready for tomorrow?" I ask Carly.

"I'm just wondering how many people will be mad at me for Missy going to jail?"

"Who knows, who cares?" I respond, "Missy made her choices. You can only control what Carly does. If anyone doesn't like it, that's their problem."

She looks at me and smiles, "Thank you Freddie. You've been a wonderful friend. I wouldn't have been able to handle all this without you."

"You're welcome." Spencer had gotten up from the table and was working in the kitchen.

"You guys up for some Spaghetti tacos?"

"Do you really need to ask?" Carly answers.

* * *

Me and Carly were getting our books out for class when some of the basketball team surrounded us.

"Shay! You cost us a chance at the City League Championship!" Mike Pendel roared. "I otta beat your skank ass for that."

Carly looks up at the 6'6" player, while he towers over her; she looks like a bear out for blood. "What will that prove? That you can beat up a **Girl **that's a foot short and a hundred pounds lighter than you are. You basketball players are real tough guys."

I can see him getting ready to swing; I step between them. "If you wanna beat her up, you gotta go through me."

"Fine by me."

Gibby, all 6'4" and 280 pounds of all-state defensive end steps up. "And me." A few more of the football players join him; they have no love for the basketball players.

Melanie joins our side of the crowd, "Me too." More and more kids join us, everyone that these jocks made fun of one-on-one. At some point, the players realize they're badly outnumbered.

Mike looks at his teammates; the one shakes his head. "Okay, you nerds win this round, let's go." They walk away.

Carly looks at me, "Would you have really fought him?"

"Like I said, if I have to get beaten up every day to be your friend, so be it." She hugs me.

"Thank you Freddie Benson." She lets go and pulls a homemade flier from her backpack. I can't see what it says until she hangs it on the wall by the stairs.

_Today 4 PM at the Lake View Cemetery, a memorial for Sam Puckett. Bring Ham._

"You ready for that?" Melanie asks, reading the sign.

"Yeah, I am."

* * *

**Carly's POV**

Melanie, Freddie, Spencer, and me had changed into dressier clothes after school. We arrive at the cemetery around 3:30 and noticed Gibby and Tasha are already there.

"Hi guys." Tasha greets us. "How you doing?"

"A little scared." I answer. I have a few sheets of paper in my hand. As 4 o'clock approaches, more and more kids show up. I see a few teachers and even Principal Franklin is in the crowd. As Freddie's watch beeps on the hour, I step up next to Sam's grave.

"I wanna thank you for coming today. I've never really planned a memorial so, does anyone wanna say anything about Sam?"

Pete steps out of the crowd; "I dated her for a while. She was a great person, only one I knew who could finish a whole Cheesecake Warehouse salad and still be hungry. The Sam I dated wasn't the one we saw in school everyday. She was sweet and kind, like she was a different person. Dude, I'm gonna miss you." He returned to his spot in the group.

Gibby stepped up next to me, and surprisingly kept his shirt on. "Sam, she was one of a kind. Never seemed to care what anyone thought about her, but wasn't afraid to tell you what she was thinking. But she did have a caring side; Her and the rest of these guys set up that whole dating game thing so that I could go out with Shannon, lets not go there. She had to endure an evening with Ruben. Sam, I wish you woulda asked for a little help, I woulda been there."

A few more people stepped up, and then Principal Franklin spoke. "I knew Sam from the first day she was at Ridgeway, she waterbombed the cheerleaders." We chuckle at the memory of eight soaking wet girls. Whatever she did, she did with great passion. Right or wrong, once she decided to do something, that was it. For as much trouble as she caused, I'll honestly miss it."

Jonah walks up next to her headstone, and turns his back to me and Freddie. This could get ugly. "I dated her too, dumb blonde. This bitch wedgie bounced me for 3 hours; I was using my boxers as dental floss. I'm glad she's dead, so I don't have to look at her anymore." He sees Melanie barely holding together. "Oh, hi. Sorry you look like her. Worst dates I've ever been on. She couldn't even suck a dick right."

"Oh, that's it!" Sam roars. She had been standing next to us.

Melanie motions for her to wait, "Let Freddie handle this. He's got some 'special' skills."

We watch as Freddie steps behind him and grab hold where his shoulder and neck meet. Jonah stops talking as the pain overwhelms him. Having a nurse for a mom does have its advantages. I know Freddie has read most of his mom's medical books. Freddie turns him around and walks him outta the crowd.

He shoved him down the hill a little. "I ever see you here again, I'll kill you." He reads Freddie's face and knows he can back that up.

As Freddie comes back, It's my turn to speak. Here goes everything.

"I just wanna thank you for showing up today and sharing your memories of Sam. She was the greatest best friend anyone could ever want. I found that out too late." I touch the angel on top of the headstone. "I forgive you Sam, and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." I apologize. Then I say it, barely more than a whisper. "I forgive you Carly, for abandoning your friend when she needed you the most."

I look up and notice a break in the clouds; a ray of sunshine lands on Sam's grave.

"I'll miss you." I wipe the tears from my cheeks. I take the sandwich from Melanie; "So raise you're ham." I wait for everyone to get theirs out. "To Sam." I can't think of anything better to say.

"To Sam." The crowd repeats as they hold up their various hams and follows my lead of taking a bite. Freddie places a foot-long Black Forest sub in front of Sam's headstone.

The group slowly dissipates; some come up to us, some stop at the grave, others simply walk away. After the last person leaves, I stand next to Sam's grave, "I hope you're enjoying the buffet up in Heaven." I start to cry softly. Freddie wraps me in a hug; he's been doing that a lot lately.

"You did really great today." He whispers.

I hear an unexpected voice, "That was a beautiful service Carly."

"What?" I look at Sam. "Did I do something wrong? Why are you still here?"

"I just want to tell you guys something before I moved on." She turns to Spencer, "You're gonna make a great lawyer, but don't give up on your art. Melanie, I never really got to know you, but we did have some good times when we were younger."

"We sure did." Melanie is almost crying.

"Freddie, that dream you have, don't give up on it yet." Finally, she turns to me. "Carly, I loved you like no one else on Earth. I'm sorry for putting you through this pain."

"I love you too Sam." We watch as she steps into the sunbeam. Sam's rising up, like she's on an escalator.

She shouts to us, "Carly, if you stop looking, you'll find it." Then she disappears into forever.

"You okay?" Spencer asks. I told him about Sam being gay and about our kiss.

I look up. "Yeah, for the first time in a while I am."

Freddie looks at me; "You wanna go get a smoothie?"

I take his hand, "Why not?"

As we sit at the Groovie Smoothie, I lean over and give Freddie a quick kiss on the cheek. He looks confused. "That's for you winning that bet, Missy is off 'iCarly' and you get a kiss."

"I didn't expect you to ever pay up on that stupid bet." I cut him off with another kiss. I can hear some of the other people clapping. Most of Ridgeway knew Freddie had a crush on me.

"That was just for being you. Thank you Freddie."

"You're welcome." He still can't believe I kissed him.

"What did Melanie mean today about you having special skills?"

"I've read a bunch of books on pressure points and massage therapy. She hurt her ankle over the summer and I rubbed it for her and she…um…had a…very enjoyable experience."

"She had an orgasm just by you rubbing her foot?"

He shrugged, "It's no big deal. You see there's a pressure point on the foot that's linked to the pleasure…" I cut him off, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the door. Spencer is out with his friends tonight.

"Don't tell me, show me."

He did more than rub my feet that night.

* * *

**Epilogue, 10 years later, Third Person POV**

"I can't breath." Carly pants, she's been pushing for the last 45 minutes. The nurse places the oxygen mask on her face.

The doctor looks at the monitors, "Mrs. Benson, you're past the point of a C-section, you have to deliver this baby. Or both of you could die."

Freddie looks at his wife; "You can do this."

"I can't." She's nearly exhausted, "I got nothing left."

_You never gave up before; You will NOT start now!_ Carly looked around for the mystery voice.

Carly takes a deep breath and bears down again. She feels the baby shift a little and move some. As the contraction ends, Carly is almost passed out.

"Why…won't…this end?"

_Come on, momma needs to be born!_ Where was that voice coming from?

"Alright, the head is crowning, if you can push it out enough I can get a grip and pull."

Carly takes some more breaths; Freddie wipes the sweat from her forehead. She can feel the contraction build and braces for one more push. As the baby's head slowly moves out of her, the doctor grabs hold and gently pulls the rest of its body out of Carly.

Freddie looks over at the team of doctors working on the baby. They haven't heard its birth cry yet. Melanie slipped to the edge of the group and peaks in on the infant.

"Is she…?" Freddie asks.

"Yeah, she's beautiful."

Carly, who was barely conscious, asks; "Melanie, would it be okay…"

"Yeah, she would want that." The nurse brought the swaddled baby over to meet her parents.

"Here you go mom." Carly looked at her baby girl.

"Hi there, rough first minute Huh?" Freddie brushed her cheek. A lock of blonde hair could be seen slipping out from under the tiny knit hat.

"How you doing, Samantha?" The baby started to cry. "Daddy's sorry, he forgot you hate that name, Sam."

Melanie looks at her Goddaughter, "Looks like the Blonde-Headed demon is back."

* * *

**A\N: This concluded my tale, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Reviews still welcome.**


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